Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons! That was nice, you guys. That was a thing. So, before we jump into tonight’s already starting off crazy episode, we have a few announcements to get through, beginning with our fantastic sponsors for the night, the first one, our friends, since the beginning of this fantastic storyline, D&D Beyond. ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ Ah, oh Brick, I’ve made a major discovery! Whatever it is, make it fast, Sorty. My life expectancy is shorter than your pubes. Okay, listen, D&D Beyond wants you to know about a brand-new rule and adventure book, Dungeons and Dragons Vs. Rick and Morty, releasing next week on Tuesday, November 19th! DNA was a major discovery, Sorty, okay? Nuclear fusion was a major discovery. Another Rick and Morty promo is more like an unexpected taco burp. Momentarily pleasurable, but about as rare as Matt Mercer dropping the words toothy Mont with Tabletop Gaming. (all laugh) Okay, but don’t you get it? Oh Brick, you can play D&D through the lens of the mad genius Rick Sanchez from the animated cartoon series, and find out what happens when his high-power gaming sensibilities and sarcastic meta commentary are paired with the world of D&D. That’s pretty cool, right? Sarcastic meta commentary? Sounds like Sam Pay-Attention-To-Me Riegel would do in one of his D&D Beyond ads. Okay, Brick, just shut the fuck up and listen! You can pre-order now, and it’ll appear in your D&D Beyond account on the 19th! Sorty, the only account I have is on Pornhub, thank you very much. (all laugh) Now, if you’ve shot your wad here, let’s (burps) end this bit. (all laugh) I have a one-shot to run in an alternate timeline that’s 10% less fucked-up than this one. Chop-chop! Okay, fine, find out more and order at dndbeyond.link/rickandmorty! Wubba lubba dub dub! (all laugh) Yes! Oh, five stars! (all clapping) Some of your best. Recast for Morty, but Rick was fucking great. (all laugh) Roiland’s still out of the job, then, there you go. This is the amusement park Rick and Morty. The bad hire-able birthday actors Rick and Morty. Thank you very much, D&D Beyond, for your fantastic continued sponsorship and bringing this to our story. And our second sponsor tonight is Ten Speed Press. For those guys who haven’t seen, they’ve been releasing their young D&D adventurers guide series, it’s awesome. It’s a rules-free introduction to D&D specifically made for young and new players that really emphasizes the creative elements of playing the game and creating characters and running a story, that kinda makes the experience so special, and without being too technical and too heavy in the rules. So, it’s a good on-ramp and introduction to the actual game, and role-playing games in general. So, they put character roles, equipment, things for very easy to pick up, they’ve already put out some awesome books, if you’ve seen already, they have the Warriors and Weapons book, there’s the Monsters and Creatures book, and then coming up on November 26th, Dungeons and Tombs, so slowly building that element there. And then March next year is the Wizards and Spells book, so looking forward to that too. But for those of you who are trying to get your kids to play with you, or have people that are like, it’s too complicated for me, these are kinda your thing. They’re actually really cute, the art’s amazing, everyone who worked on it did a great job, so check it out if you haven’t had the opportunity yet. You can find it at bit.ly/10Speed, and thank you guys so much for supporting our show tonight. Let’s see. Next up, Marisha, you’ve got some announcements. Oh, man. Tomorrow. 7:00 p.m. (all laugh) Fucking UnDeadwood is back! That was a load circle turning there for a second. That is the exciting conclusion of our four-part miniseries. Watch it, please. (all laugh) Please. Watch it live, because you’re not gonna wanna have it spoiled, and I can’t guarantee that, because shit is fucking crazy in this finale, so grab a loved one, sit on a couch, binge it tomorrow if you haven’t, UnDeadwood. Tomorrow. (all laugh) Thank you, Marisha. We’ll be watching a lot. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, sitting on Brian’s couch. Snuggled up in some Tal’Dorei blankets. Nice merch drop. You’re good at what you do. Travis, you have some things to chat about. Yes, once again, for the month of November, we have partnered with OSD. (all cheer) OSD, we’ve helped support our active and veteran military communities, and so far, with our campaign in the month of November, we have helped almost 400 veterans, and we are on a mission to help even more, so thank you for you guys that have supported already. Please give if you can, if can’t, share the message, love our military community so much, it’s so important that we give back to them for everything that they do for us. We’re doing it again, all the way through the month of November, the link is critrole.com/OSD. Nailed it! Is that a backwards D? It’s right, okay, good. No, the D was right, the S was. (all laugh) So, (laughs) thank you, Travis. And last up, next weekend, in Austin, Texas, we are having our live show, The Adventures of the Darrington Brigade. (all cheer) For those who are attending, we’d like to remind you, we have a strict no-spoiler policy, so those who will be there, please do not post spoilers online for the show, as you’ll be the only ones to see it for a little bit. It’ll be held at the Bass Concert Hall in Austin. Super excited for it, and for everyone else who cannot be there, you can catch The Adventures of the Darrington Brigade on Friday, November 29th, at 7:00 p.m. Pacific on our Twitch channel, and the VOD will be immediately available as for our subscribers, and will be on our YouTube channel the following Sunday. So you don’t have to wait too long. Is that the day after Thanksgiving? So, you can huddle around with your family, and eat leftovers and watch us be silly. Snuggled up in some Tal’Dorei blankets. (all laugh) All right, Laura. It is comfortable, but all right. Yeah, I’m super excited, everyone’s made their characters, and it’s gonna be interesting. (laughs) Some fun stuff in this one. So yeah, check out all the information at critrole.com/events. I believe that concludes my announcements, and as such, I think it’s time to bring us into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. (all shouting) (water rushing)
(cannon blasting) (rhythmic music) ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins, they were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends, and the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware, ’cause you’re about to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flare, they got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there, there’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds, now it’s your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (dramatic music) And welcome back. So, last we left off The Mighty Nein through the help of some allies they’ve gathered from now different parts of Exandria. You uncovered the true form, the true identity, of the mysterious Angel of Iron’s entity that this cult was based around. And it turns out to be Tharizdun, the Chained Oblivion, no big deal. Uncertain if members of the cult are aware that they’re worshiping, or are along with the secret, it’s a very bad dude. So, you’ve began to gather information about this individual, and elements of Obann’s possible plan. As part of this endeavor, you’ve made your way to Zadash, back in the empire, to ask for some aid, as you were sent to Oremid Hass, one of the members of the Cerberus Assembly, who has some sort of connection or old friendship with Yussa, and have started the process of disseminating the information of the dangers that seem to be mounting around you, after which you made your way to the Invulnerable Vagrant to check up the stock of items they have and to just check in on good old Pumat Sol. After looking around at the wares, which were a bit thin, as it seems that him and his simulacrum have been focusing on producing items that have been commissioned for the war effort by the Cerberus Assembly. And partway into this conversation, Caduceus felt a sudden terrible sharp pain in your back, all of you beginning to realize that a blade had penetrated him between the shoulder blades, and you watched as this entity, this dark elf female figure with reddish hair, kind of pulled back back a little bit by a black bandana, swathed in cloak and leathers, seemed to be halfway emerging from the ground, semi-spectral, and had stabbed Caduceus, smiling, then vanished back into the floor, out of sight. And that’s where we left off. So, Mighty Nein, roll initiative. (all laugh) Out the gate! You a bad enough dude to bring back the Betrayer Gods? (Matthew laughs) Bad dudes. (all chattering) So, starting at the top here, we have 25 to 20. 24! 20 to 15. 15. Oh, wow. Yeah. (dramatic music) 15 to 10. 13.
12. 11. Okay, so we have Jester. Nott, or Caduceus and Caleb. You guys have had a couple of battles where you guys went at the same time. Fjord, you have? 11.
That bit has ruined me, ’cause my head is just going woo! (Sam and Laura laugh) All righty. So, top of the round, you’ve just watched this creature, this assassin-type entity vanish into the floorboards underneath the Invulnerable Vagrant. Everyone’s kind of staring in shock. It’s your turn, what are you doing? Where, shit. (all laugh) Turns out Morty and Nott are pretty close. (all laugh) Where did they disappear down to? Right behind Caduceus. Oh, shit! Where? Right behind Caduceus, right there. Yeah, okay. Well, I have no shot. You have no shot, you have no eyes on the creature. Oh, she’s gone. She sunk into the floor. The Inevitable End, I assume, can see up through the floor, I’m just guessing, so in order to hide, I’m gonna go jump on that table. That’s what I was gonna do, too! You wanna jump on which table? The one with the pillow. The one in the middle? Like Trevor’s? (all laugh) All righty. So, you leap up onto the table there. Bonus action, hide, sorta get low. Can’t hide in the middle of a table, it’s elevated in the middle of the chamber. But I’m hiding from the bottom. Oh, from the floor. So they can’t see me. So, you’re underneath. No, I’m over it. Assuming that whoever is under the floor can see up. Okay. We’ll see what it does. Go ahead and roll a Stealth check. Okay. Advantage, ’cause of me, yeah, a million, like 30. Your cloak blends into the actual coloration and pattern of the wood on the top. And then I will hold my action ’til I see an enemy. Okay, what action are you holding? Firing a crossbow-type device. You got it. That finishes Nott’s go. All right. Oh, fuck, already? Come on, man! (all shout) I’m just writing the end for their turn. (all laugh) I made you laugh (mumbles). As you all quietly look around as Nott jumps onto the table, gets low and begins to prepare. The table is the Inevitable End. No! Swooping up from underneath, you see, rising into the air, and as she slightly floating about six or seven inches off the ground, takes two strikes at Beauregard. May I fire? You may. I’ll take my shot. It’s gonna go straight through her. Ooh, not good. Not good.
You have balls, dude. 15. 15 misses. For sure, it does. It actually goes (whooshes) at the table, and everyone at this point has been looking around, and hears the sound of you fire the crossbow, glance over, and you see the merge, and both blades going towards Beauregard. The first attack against you. Wait, what? 28 to hit. Huh?
28 to hit. 28.
Correct. Yeah. Barely misses.
Yeah. And the second attack is going to be 20. 20’s my AC. See, both hit. Okay. So, that being the case, you take. (all chattering) 10 points of slashing damage from the blade, and then sneak attack, because you did not know where she was coming from from underneath. It’s going to be. That’s bad. Oh, it’s fine, what are you talking about? Don’t monks get their campy surprise or something? I don’t know, I’m just making this up. No. (laughs) I hear a lot of dice. Can you take that feat? I could, the observant feat. Additional 34 points of piercing damage. How much?
In addition to the 10? Correct. So, that’s 44.
44 points. And I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. It’s poison daggers. That was their first attack?
Correct. Ooh! Although, I don’t, no I do. That was one dagger did 40? And the second one is coming. Vax is attacking us. What was it? Poison?
Poison, yeah. I’m immune to poison. That’s right. Because of monk shit. And the second attack does 11 points of piercing damage. Oh god. But you are immune to poison, so no effect. As the two strikes (whooshes) into you, you feel the pain, you turn around to defend yourself. You can see from the wounds this kind of dark liquid beyond your own blood spilling across the wound, and you can sense it would’ve been poison, but your body rejects it entirely, and you can see this assassin (growls) grimace look, and is gonna go ahead and try and slip back under the floor. Exactly. You do, all right, go ahead and make an attack. Are you poison, Caduceus?
No. Like a grave cleric shit? No, 15. 15. Slips back into the floor.
What the fuck! Coward! (all laugh) Finishing their turn, Beauregard, you’re up. Ow! Fuck! I’m going to– Hit the floor. I kind of, actually, I’m gonna stagger to the middle. Okay. I’m three-point landing this shit, they kinda crouch down into a low crow kinda thing, and take patient defense. Okay. And that’s my bonus action, can I hold my attack for if I see her? See her within range? Yeah. If you have any daggers or things you wanna throw, you can do that. (dramatic music) It’s up to you. And Jester, you are on deck. (dramatic music) Actually, yeah, I’m gonna stay right here, ’cause I’m kind of in this awesome cross section where I’m kind of between everybody. You got it. Okay, and you’re holding your physical or range attack? You can hold attack and you can choose at the moment, actually, that’s fine. I’ll allow that. All right, Jester, what’s your Dexterity by the way? My Dexterity? Saving or just regular? 18? Four plus four. Oh, your Dexterity’s really high, so yeah, you can go, go ahead. Oh. Okay, I’m going to jump up on the table next to me, and backing my back against the wall, not next to the window. I’m gonna, as an action, I’m gonna invoke Duplicity. All righty. And I’m gonna make my duplicate appear directly next to me, and then I’m gonna have her hop down off the table, and run across the room and jump up on the table across the room, and put her back to the wall over there. You got it. And as my free action. Free action? Can I kick the shield that’s at my feet and bring it up and use it? Sure, do you have a shield already? I have a shield. Like a skateboard kick? Yeah, a skateboard kick. Lemme double check and see if it requires attunement. I don’t know if it does, ’cause if not, it’s pretty rare. Wait, is this the fancy shield, that you’re like, oh hell yeah? You’re fighting and stealing? It does not require attunement. Fuck yeah, skateboard kick it up, grab onto it. Kick flip!
All right, so, your armor class is considered one higher for the duration of this encounter, as long as you hold that shield. All right. And for that base, I’m gonna go ahead and pull the shield off the battlefield. Woo! Nicely shielded!
Thank you. Way to go! All righty. So, Jester, is that the end of your turn? Yes.
All right, it’s the Pumats’ turn. The Pumats’ turn? Ooh, they get to fight! So, Pumat, who sees this happening, first, he sees Caduceus making that face, and go, oh, what, are you hungry? And then sees the whole assault, going, oh no, this is real bad. Pumats, upstairs! And this Pumat goes ahead and runs this way, is gonna go ahead and double dash and head back up in the stairway out of the way. Watch all the Pumats be blood hunters or something. (all laugh) They start slicing their arms. After Pumat Prime kind of sees that one run off and ensure the other two aren’t down here, looks back and sees all of you getting up on tables, and goes, well, I ain’t one to miss a clue here, gets up on the counter, and is going to go ahead. This’ll be interesting. I love it when you say that. He’s gonna go ahead. The people who look the most hurt right now are Beauregard and Nott. Sorry, Caduceus, right? Yes. He’s go ahead and cast Greater Invisibility. Ooh! Has the ability called split enchantment, cast an enchantment spell, first level or higher. Actually, no, I don’t know if it’s an enchantment, that’s an illusion, shit. I don’t know if I can do that. Split enchantment? Where you can like split (mumbles). Yeah, no, that’s not an enchantment spell. That’s not bad. Instead. Know everything about D&D! I know. (Laura laughs) No, we’ll still go ahead and cast Greater Invisibility on you, ’cause you’re the one who seems to need it the most. Does that mean I can’t do anything without dropping Invisibility? Greater Invisibility means you can use anything you want to, you can cast spells, whatever. What! But someone just bought them, right? (all chattering) Who bought the potion, who has all those potions? I think we bought them as a group. You did, but somebody’s holding them. That’s four to Caduceus. It would’ve been four to Caduceus, ’cause you were at the table, yeah. All right, and then Pumat’s gonna move up against the wall as well, so everybody else can stay right there. All righty. So, you are, for the time being, invisible. Cool. That’s gonna finish Pumat’s turn. That brings us to Caduceus and Caleb, you guys can choose between the two of you. I’m going to back up into the stairs. Okay, like onto the stairs?
Yeah, I think onto the stairs. Like right around there? Yeah, probably like halfway up, just to be– Okay, I’ll say for the purposes of that. And I’m holding a spell. Okay, what spell are you holding? I’m holding Bane. Bane, okay, got it. We’ll consider this to be you halfway up the steps. All right, Caleb, what are you doing? Caleb was examining a brass lantern when all this happened, and he turned and saw, (whooshing) people disappeared, so the brass lantern goes to the floor, and Caleb just goes (whooshes), and is also invisible. All righty. And will woodenly climb up onto the table that he’s in front of. I like that all of us are just like, I don’t know. It’s a rat, there’s a rat lost. (all laugh) Okay, that’s you for the time being. That’ll work. All righty. So, that finishes your turn. And then that brings us to Fjord. Yes, I will also hop up on the bar in front of me, and I will turn to face the main floor, and I will hold Eldritch Blast whenever we see invisi-fuck. You got it. All right, top of the round. Nott. But they’re not here.
It’s eerie and quiet, everyone’s in position, and there’s just this tension in the air, not quite sure where they’re going to pop up. Good god! I will, bonus action, well, I can’t really hide, ’cause they know where I am. Unless I scramble and go somewhere else. I’m gonna scramble across to the bookshelf and hide on the third shelf up. Over here?
Yeah. (all laugh) Shrinks in. I’ll allow it. Being a goblin. And I’m going to ready my Bola shot, my trappy. Yeah, and ready it. All right, so, roll your Stealth check for your hide. Hiding a gremlin on a toy shelf. Stealth was not great, 15. 15, got it, okay. Next up. 16. A figure emerges here under the floor. I fire! Actually, I bet Bane, I would be first, so, Bane first. Correct. So, Bane, what is the saving throw on that? 17 Charisma. 17 Charisma, fail. Yeah! Bane makes her weaker. Saves, Bane means that– It saves an attack, so minus the D4. Yeah. Saving throw and attack rolls. Oh, Jesus. Okay. All right. All right, that goes off, and then now Nott, you can take your attack, and you can take your Eldritch Blast. And my throwing dart. All right. And my ax. That one totally misses. Wait for her to finish. Oh, if only that was something better than a dart. 17. What is it? 17? Is it 17? Damn it.
Darts. 19. 19 hits. 19 hits, good to know. That’s good. 11 points of force damage. Okay. (dramatic music) So, you fired the Eldritch Blast (whooshes), and it strikes, or seems to strike, but right where it hits and impacts, the image kind of fades, and now you can see the figure is actually been to the right of it, and there’s now two other illusory versions floating around it. This is your fault, I’m blaming you, I’m blaming all this on you. (all chattering) So now there are two images of it that are kinda shifting in and out of its space, now that that is triggered. So I have to pick one to shoot at? Roll your second attack. That was the second.
Oh, that was? Gotcha. All right, now you go. Natural 20. Awesome. So, and darts are just D4, right? I forgot the debate about this, and I always fucking forget. Right, technically it’s dagger. I mean, I’m okay with letting it be considered a martial weapon, because you made it to be that way, but we’re considering it, you’re making it to be a monk weapon, that’s fine. I’ll say that any time that’s happened, you’ve adjusted it, so go for it. So, that’s a D6, right? It’s whatever your martial arts score is, though. Cool, roll it. Oh. It’s always the one. Double that crit to two for an awesome total of eight. Hey man, that’s eight points that she didn’t. ♪ Eight points of damage ♪ (whooshes) It hits, but you can see the armor kind of takes most of the brunt of it, and as soon as it impacts, she reaches down and grabs it and throws it onto the floor. Looks back at you angrily. Awesome, I’ll pick that up later. Actually, it doesn’t look back at her angrily, ’cause she’s not there. What, Beau is here.
I’m not invisible. Oh, you’re not invisible? No, he wasn’t able to do both, it was an illusion, it wasn’t enchantment. I was gonna try that, but then I remembered it was illusion, not enchantment. That’s my bad. 21. 21? Yeah. Yeah, okay, wow. Where were you? 12. 12 points of damage. No six, seven, eight, nine, 10. 10 points damage, all right. So, (whooshes) both darts end up piercing into the assassin, now kind of looking about. Now they’re gonna take their turn. I was still gonna shoot my Bola. That’s right, yeah, shoot your Bola. Eight plus, I don’t know, is this a called shot or something weird, or is it just a normal attack? It’s not gonna hit, it’s plus 10. So a total of 18 does not hit. Bane, anything Bane, no Bane? Doesn’t affect armor class, unfortunately. So, after being hit with the daggers, hears the tink sound, the head kind of turns and twitches real fast over the shoulder, and (whooshes) jumps out of the way as the bullet goes scattering into the wall, almost hitting you, Jester, and knocks a bunch of shit off the tables. Sorry! So now, they’re gonna take their turn, and you watch as goes ahead and pulls up, begins to, let’s see here. It’s gonna go ahead and begin casting some sort of a spell, muttering under their breath, and you watch as in a– Counter-spell. Counter-spell, all righty. That counters it, nevermind. Yes! But you are no longer invisible. I am Greater Invisibility. You are regular Invisibility, you are now visible. You did Greater? You are now visible, he said. But he did Greater. You did Greater as opposed to regular? Then yeah, then you’re fine. Greater. Great, so (whooshes) the spell finishes, but you see the head turns over after hearing the sound, and while you’re invisible, it kind of vaguely knows where you are. Calm the spell. Gonna go ahead and do that. No, you don’t! Put it out! Drop it! (all laugh) It’s just gonna go ahead and vanish back. Oh! That’s the worst. Hate when they vanish. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve not counter-spelled. It was Faerie Fire, it wasn’t a big deal. (laughs) Faerie Fire is awesome.
It’s pretty legit. So anyway, finishing that, Beauregard, you’re up, Jester, you’re on deck. (dramatic music) Assassin stuff. Gonna crack my knuckles together, light up the lightning gloves. The bolts now crackle across your forearm, you can feel that tingly sensation as the electrical energy surge back and forth across your arms, and they go a little numb from the vibration. What are you doing? What would I do if I were her? Okay. Shit, where would she go? I’m gonna go and kind of get near Jester and kinda guard her, ’cause if it were me, I’d kill the cleric. Oh, that’s so dark.
That’s true. All right, that finishes your turn– And hold my attack. Okay, you got it. Jester, you’re up.
Okay, for my action, I’m going to use my Rod of the Solitary Scout, and I’m going to cast grease on the floor. Okay. It’s 10 foot. Where do you want it to go? I’m gonna guess that she’s gonna appear around here next time, to get the floor, or both, I’m gonna do right here. And then for my bonus action, I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon. Awesome. At what level? At fourth level, so that I get 48 attacks. So, it’s a serrated lollipop. 2d8, you mean, right? ‘Cause every two levels, the damage dice goes up. Right, I was looking at Spiritual Guardians. That’s okay. All right, so where would you like it to go? Ooh, that’s a good one, too. Maybe I should’ve done that. I’m going to cast Spiritual Guardians instead! Oh nevermind, that’s not a bonus, that’s why I was doing it. Spiritual Weapon! All right, where would you like it to go? Something with spirit, it’s gonna be right next to– In between you and Caleb? Yeah, in between me and Caleb. You got it. Okay. That finishes your turn then. I’m gonna put it here. All right. And you’re good there? Uh-huh.
Okay. Brings it to Pumat’s turn. Pumat’s gonna go ahead and maintain Greater Invisibility on you.
Thank you! (dramatic music) And is going to… Actually, Pumat’s not gonna do that. Pumat feels that you’re probably at least got out of the moment of danger, and can be more useful elsewhere. So, Pumat is instead going to go, wherever you are, hope you’re safe! You two seem to be pretty helpful. Sorry if it’s a little cramped. (grunts) And uses Split Enchantment to cast Enlarge on both Beauregard and Fjord. Oh, shit, let’s go! Bring out the big minis! Whoa! That’s a Fjord 350, F-350. What? Now that’s what I call a super duty. Be aware of the grease on the floor, you guys. Let them fight. Probably be about there, just outside of the grease. (Travis shouting) This is awesome! You’re maintaining concentration on your Invisibility. And I’m maintaining concentration on the– Correct, but you’re no longer– I’m no longer, I’m about to be invisible again, but I’m no longer invisible. To your hits? Yes. Okay. And, with that, he’s just gonna stay up against the wall, ’cause seems to be working out all right so far. That finishes his turn. Caleb and Caduceus, pardon me. I’m going, well, you go first. Well, I saw this– Oh, wait. Hm? He can’t do that either? It’s Transmutation, I thought it was Enchantment. Goddammit!
This is lame. (all laugh) It’s my own fault. Can’t you just say you have Split Transmutation too? I mean, he’s Pumat, he can do whatever. Give it to the buck. No, I’ll give it to you, ’cause you’re the closest. Take it to the bridge! Plus, we haven’t seen the thing yet. That would’ve been real cool, though. That would’ve been, that’s on me. I’m not used to playing an Enchanter. That’s a new one. All right.
So, I saw the Inevitable End stare right in my general direction, and then she sunk into the floor, so I will carefully get down onto the floor and go to the table in the center of the room and change my position, and wait, and hold, I will cast a spell the moment I see her. Do you need to know the spell? Yes.
Okay. We’ll make it Magic Missile. All right, you got it, okay. I’ll hold Path to the Grave. I’m actually gonna cast Invisibility on myself, which I can do as a bonus action. Yes, you can. And then I’m going to shift, I’m going to shift down and just on top of the bar there, like right there, just so I’m no longer in the same place, and I’m gonna hold Sentinel of Deaths, I’m going to hold, where’d it go? Path to the Grave for right before Caleb. You got it, okay. That finishes your turn. Fjord, you’re up. (inhales) Okay. This is new, wonderful. The ceiling here is about 15 feet off the ground, like 12 to 15 feet, and you’re now like almost hitting, there’s a chandelier in the middle, it’s about eye-level, and you’re like, oh, this is really strange. Will it be like disadvantage on a melee attack with my sword, if I swing it this cramped? No, it’s not that cramped. Okay, cool. You just don’t have a lot of vertical movement. Great, I’ll summon the sword (whooshes). So, it’s like it’s you, Travis, in a room. Yeah, basically. Anywhere in Europe or Asia, yeah. What I have is terrible. And I will use the command word Galesvah, and make all the runes glow on the sword, and I will hold–
The room now lights up around him. I’ll hold the melee attack until the Inevitable End appears around me. Okay, you got it. Nott, you’re up. I’m just gonna say, we’re sitting ducks in here, should we develop some sort of strategy? It’s fine. This is strategy. I don’t know where, that Caleb’s already occupying it, so I’m gonna move to that middle table as well, just to keep Lady Luck guessing here. Push you over on the floor. And I will, what was that, that you just knocked off? It’s flare. Whatever it is, I’m gonna bonus-action steal it. Okay. (all laugh) And then prepare a spell this time. Do you wanna make a Slight of Hand check? Sure. Can you do that as a bonus action, your Cunning action? I don’t know, I have no idea. If not, forget it. Dodge, disengage (mumbles).
Correct. Repeat your action. Then nevermind. I will just hide up there and prepare a spell. What spell are you preparing? Hideous Laughter. You got it. All righty. Finishing your turn. (dramatic music) Merging up through the floor, right here. Oh. As if the footsteps across the floorboards were a giveaway of movement, it’s going to rise out. Yep. So, you guys go. Release all the spells. Simul-spell. Who goes first? I do, but it’s just a chant, it’s just chant of Path to the Grave. I’m trying to think. Technically, they’re hidden from you, so I think they might get their attack first, and then you get their reaction. ‘Cause you don’t notice where they’re coming from until they arrive. I’m just trying to think here. Because they’re hiding and stealthing as well, and popping up and trying to surprise each of you. So, I’ll let you do that, going forward in this kind of instance, after the attack. That’s fine. So, it’s gonna be one attack, both attacks are you, Nott, actually. ‘Cause you are not immediately visible, though they were drawn to the table, you’re who they see on top. With the D4, if I remember.
Correct. (dramatic music) That is gonna be (laughs) 17. Miss! Second attack. I use that item to block it. Natural 20. Okay. As a reaction, I’m canceling the Natural 20. What’s the distance on that one? 30 feet. Double-checking, 30 feet. 30 feet, yeah, you can do that. (all chattering) All righty. You’d have been instantly dead. Yeah! But I got friends. So, the first one misses, the second one does hit you. ♪ I’ve got friends in low places ♪ ♪ Takes my blues away ♪ I can’t tell who’s singing right now. ♪ I’ll be okay ♪ With the weapon attack in there, that is 51 points of piercing damage. Of what damage? Piercing damage. I will Uncanny Dodge that. Does that use my reaction?
It uses your reaction. Which I need to cast the spell. Correct. But I’ve already committed to casting the spell, so no Uncanny Dodge, 51. 51 points of damage. I need you to make a Constitution saving throw. Okay. Mm-hmm. 17? You lose the spell. It breaks your concentration as you’re focusing on it from the impact of the blow. We’re not poisoned? I need you to make a Constitution saving throw now against the poison in the blade. 19. 19, yeah, you managed to resist it. Okay. I hate this table! All right, now you guys can take your actions, except for Nott, who, the impact is so painful that the spell just kind of fitters out of your fingers. Pop-pop with my lightning gloves! You’re first, yeah. So, his hands just light up, and five little pink dots spiral out like homing missiles, and go (gun fires) and hit. And immediately (gun fires). (laughs) Point-blank range, like a shotgun. 20 points. And they have vulnerability to it. They have vulnerability to– To the Magic Missile. From– From my Path to the Grave. But you were holding– Oh, I lost my fucking Path to the Grave, ’cause I was holding it, and I used that. Which means you wouldn’t have the reaction, which means that was a critical hit. No, I would’ve used, I would’ve lost it. You used your reaction to maintain the spell. Oh, shit! So, I’m sorry, taking that back. It was 51 I said? Wait, lemme double-check. 51 minus nine, so that would be 42, 84 plus nine, 90, 93 points of piercing damage. So, you’re zero. Yeah, you’re zeroed out.
What’s your hit-point max? 81, I am unconscious. No, you are not. I’m dead. I’m gonna double-check the rule here. When it comes to taking damage. Assassins!
But wait, did you go that far down? Massive damage can kill you instantly. When damage reduces you to zero hit points, and there is damage remaining. Oh, it’s damage remaining. Sorry, not total amount. I misremembered that. Yeah, that’s good. That means you would’ve had to be at zero hit points for that, you would’ve had to be low. I misremembered that rule. So, you’re fine, you are unconscious. Okay, I am fine. I’m unconscious.
What is the thing that you just read? Oh, if you’re unconscious, and the extra damage goes over your maximum hit points, it’s instantly death. I misremembered that.
Then it’s thumped. Fucking up rules left and right tonight. My apologies. But you are unconscious. Wow. Ugh! (laughs) Ugh! Wait, do it as Morty. Ugh! (all laugh) So, it’s still double damage on the Magic Missiles then? It is. So, 40 total. Or double damage on the dice. Oh, he’s checking again! It gets weird when you hold actions, so I’m checking one thing. (dramatic music) So, ready. When you ready something. It’s real dandy right here, rules and everything. We’re losing against one person. Yeah, this is terrifying. I thought they might not be here for us, but I think think they are. Interesting. When the trigger occurs, you can either take a reaction right after the trigger finishes or ignore the trigger. But the trigger hadn’t happened yet. (dramatic music) First, you decide which people to your reaction, when you choose the action, take the response. (mumbles) You just tell us what you think, Matt. Just call it like a boss. All right.
F the internet. It’s getting a little messy here. I’m working with some interesting dynamics in this one. So, if you’re holding something, it uses your reaction to release it. So, if you want to change it up, which– We’re already going here now. We already said we’re releasing spells. But going forward now– If I wanna drop my reaction for a different reaction.
For something else, you can do that, but you lose the spell that you’re holding, so we’re fine now. Okay, cool. So, the vulnerability does go through. The vulnerability goes through. And that is the 40 points of– Is just the dice double though, or whole thing? Whole thing is double.
Okay so, 40 total. (all laugh) I know, (mumbles) the hair. Look at your ability, is it vulnerability against anything, or does it say attack? Props to Taliesin’s hair tonight. Fresh hair.
It’s a good color. As I recall, your ability is for attacks only, I don’t think it’s effective on spells. The next time you or an ally of yours hits the creature with an attack. Correct, so it is 20 damage. Oh, so next attack. Doubled, so keep that in mind. Okay, it’s been a busy week, we’re getting back in the swing of things, right into combat. I’m trying, it’s a lot of layering. You’re not even looking at their sheets, that’s impressive.
So, now you. Huh? You said you were making your– Oh, I was holding a melee attack. That’s right. So, no good on that one. I’m holding punches, and I got reach! Yeah, go for it. So, the first hit will be doubled on damage. Roll crit, roll 20, crit it! The Enlarge doesn’t increase my melee range to 50? My gloves, I’ve got lighting punches. Yeah, you do. So, I anime punch her in the face. 19? 19 hits. They are gonna use their reaction to parry, and add five to their AC misses. Fighter rogue combo. Do I not get, is it the next one that does damage, or the next attack? The next that hits. Okay, so here I go. It’s technically a reach attack. Yeah, it’s still technically a melee attack. It’s kinda like (whooshes), causes it to ground itself. What is it?
18. 18 just misses, no hit. Hooray, sees 19. All righty. Let the Mighty Nein live. No, stay, I need you! And then they vanish into the ground. Taking their (mumbles) with me. All righty. After vanishing, Beauregard, you’re up. (dramatic music) Okay. I really wanna, I am going to… go around this grease pit, kind of over here, but as I go, I’m gonna go, (feet stomping) I’m walking over here! You’re stomping. All right, over to Fjord. Yeah, gimme a little bit of room. Yeah, so I’m not right up in his face. And then I’m gonna hold my melee attacks. You got it, all right, Beau’s turn’s done. Jester. Jester is going to to tell her duplicate, mentally, to jump off the table, and come over, and then right here. Right there? Like kind of on the grease. Patient defense, I fucked up, I forgot it again, patient defense. Patient defense, yeah, you can do it. Bonus action, sorry, keep going. Then as an action, the duplicate is going to cast Spiritual Guardians so that the guardians go around the duplicate.
Okay, what’s the radius on that one? That is a radius of 15 feet all around her. ♪ Are familiar faces ♪ At fourth level. So, keep that in mind there. And any time that they enter it. They take damage, as roll, take damage. Yeah, got it, okay. And you are now focusing on maintaining concentration on that. All right. That finishes your go, Jester. Pumat’s tune. Pumat is going to. (giggling) What? And now, for Pumat’s tune. (Marisha and Liam laugh) This is so much fun!
I know. I’m running on little sleep today. Here we go, we’re gonna go ahead, and Pumat’s actually gonna start focusing on a spell and holding it, looking a little nervous, like, wherever you’re coming from, just keeping my eyes peeled, and that’s gonna be the end of his turn. (all laugh) Caduceus and Caleb, what are you doing? You first, I’m still figuring my shit out. Shit. I don’t like this, but I’m going to do it. I am going to cross over and carefully climb up next to Jester on her table. (dramatic music) And I am going to do nothing. Okay.
That’s it. Caduceus. I’m going to cast Prayer, not Prayer of Healing, where’d I go? Healing Word. For my action, I’m going to, since I’m about to become visible, I’m going to make myself look like a Pumat. Okay. And for my spell, I’m going to cast Healing Word, let’s just do third level, ’cause fuck it. All righty, on? On Nott, all right just go ahead and roll the dice. I don’t have to roll the dice. That’s right! Grave clerics, man. Well, that’s 17 hit points back up. I saved! Good job. And then I’m gonna just kinda gently get within fighting range of Fjord, so that if anyone tries to attack me, they also are within Fjord’s range. You got it, okay, that finishes your go. Fjord, you’re up. Everyone’s kinda gathering around you. (dramatic music) Is it an action to ask Pumat a question? If it’s a quick one, nah. Can I say like, what’s in the back room? As he’s kinda holding the spell, that’s where I do all my enchanting work there. I have tools and equip, why? (all laugh) I’ll charge up two Eldritch Blasts, and I will hold my action for them to appear. Okay, you got it. All right, ending your turn. Nott, you’re conscious. Thank you, Caduceus. This sucks. (all laugh) I will stand up, no I won’t stand up, there’s no reason. Well, am I going anywhere? Just laying there like, ugh! You should just pretend you’re still dead. You shouldn’t have talked at all.
I’m just gonna lie there. All right, stay put. And prepare that same spell again. Okay, you got it. And I don’t have any, do I have any potions? I don’t have any potions, so I’m good, that’s it. Bonus action, hide. All right, roll a Stealth check. I think he knows where I am. You’re playing possum.
Yeah, I’m playing possum. So, 29. I’m just gonna kinda roll my tongue outta my mouth, and look dead.
Looking good. Merging from the ground here. Following the footprints and footsteps all heading in that direction, she emerges from the ground, right in the center. First off, what are the effects of the grease spell? They have to make a saving throw or go prone. D4. (dramatic music) Lemme look at– What if grease is the most powerful thing we have? Grease 2.
Grease 2 is pretty powerful. Yeah, it’s pretty powerful. Probably will make the save. What save is it, is it Constitutions? No, it’s a Dexterity save. Dexterity save? Yeah, it’s 23. Yeah (mumbles). I’ll cast that Hideous Laughter. All right.
But, are they still Baned? They’re still Baned. That was with Bane. They didn’t roll a high enough Stealth check this turn. Actually rolled a Natural one. So, you were able to kinda gauge where they were gonna come up from the ground, so they do not get the surprise action. Sneeze from the grease on the way up. Just made a sound when the mouth hit it. Oh god! Spiritual Guardians? Would that be instantly? Does it say on the spell when they enter the space for the first time? Then yes, that would affect them. Okay. Saving throw, and that is a Wisdom. Wisdom, yes. Oh, that’s here. 14. Oh, they failed! Yes, so go ahead and roll full damage on that. Awesome. (humming) Okay. Ah, balls. 10, 15. 15 points.
15 points of damage, you got it. And then, so you do that. Well, I’ll let you blast. Let Beau go first, just in case I get on her. I see her in the grease pit, and I’m just going to charge up my fists, and punch her. I kinda bailed on that description, I’m sorry. (all laugh) It’s been a long day.
It’s okay, go for it. Pop-pop. Oh my god, did you see that? Okay, 28 and 24. Okay, 28 and 24, both hit, yeah. First one’s doubled. Oh, okay, let’s do this. It just sits there until someone hits. That’s right, she didn’t hit last round. And I rolled a six, so 12, so 18 on that first one of lightning damage.
Not just dice, it’s total damage. It’s not dice, the whole attack. So, it’s a six plus– Well, I have two attacks. So, it would be the first. Which was six plus what? Six plus six. So 12, so 24. Oh! Yeah, whole attack doubles. Yeah, it’s vulnerability. And then the second attack was terrible. Seven damage. Seven damage, got it. Stunning Strike.
Stunning Strike? Got it, finally. Minus the D4, yeah.
Thank you. Bane. That’s where I went! ♪ Bane, that fool ♪ Stunt! Woo! (claps) Yas! Well, hold on. I love it. For the first attack, ’cause there’s still two of the mirror images up. Yeah no, that hits. (laughs) Also, does that also get a D4? They both hit. Yay! Yeah, now we’re fine. But there’s still two spectral images kinda floating around. So that works there. It’s done.
This isn’t your turn. Which means she has to stay visible. Is there something else I was supposed to do? You did two attacks and a Stunning Strike. I’ve got my Eldritch Blast. Yes you do, Eldritch Blast. I still have my bonus attack. No, it’s not your turn, you were holding your action. Oh, right.
24. And 14. You have, technically, advantage on those attacks, because they are stunned. 24. And a 19 for the second one. Yeah, both hit, critical damage. First one is 18, nope sorry, that’s a lie. 13 points of force damage. No it’s not, because it would be, one of the images absorbs it. And the second one? Is 14 points of force damage. The D4 is only on melee damage, right? What’s that?
The D4’s only on melee? Correct, not range. All right. I’m still casting Hideous Laughter, even though it’s already stuck. It’s a Wisdom. It’s a Wisdom, I say to her, ah, you know why I joined a Tharizdun cult? Just for the Hell of it! (all laugh) Wisdom 15. Yeah, 23. Oh, fuck this. Rolled a Natural 17, plus your penalty’s there. But nevertheless, emerges on the floor, (gun fires) and is now all kind of crumpled over, looking around, eyes wide, looking a little bit frustrated, but there’s still a slight grin to the face. (dramatic music) Can I say Beauregard and Fjord both make Perception checks for me real fast? Uh-oh, someone else is in the room, and it’s Yasha, and she’s dead. 16, and I still have See Invisibility, though. Just straight Perception? 13.
Okay, no worries. All right, so now, Beauregard, it’s your turn. Oh, and I was about to, oh, ah (grunts). (all laugh) I’m going all ballistic on this girl, full Rocky Balboa. Do it. Give her that full Rocky. One to the ribs, one to the temple. That’s fucking terrible, yeah, terrible. 17 and 15. You have advantage on each attack. Ooh, okay, well, miss, both of them. The first one missed. Shit, both shit, all shit. Four rolls of shit. A natural one and a four. Yeah, so miss-miss on your attack and your action, so whatever you want this action. (Liam mumbles) (Travis mumbles) Yes, thank you. Wow, guys. Okay, 26. 26, that hits. Nine damage. All righty. This is the last pop. (laughs) 18. 18 misses. I rolled and eight and a three. Wow. Yeah, they all hit. Can’t roll high on that last mirror image. Okay, that finishes your turn, Beau. Yeah. End of your turn, no longer standing. Oh! This is ’til the end of your next turn. Oh, that’s balls.
Okay. All right. Jester, you’re up. Oh, okay. But you locked down their round. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. I’m going to make my duplicate turn and look at her in the face, and then just reach out and go, boop! Right on her nose, and she’s gonna cast Inflict Wounds. Yes! At fifth level. Oh, shit! Come on! Let’s go! So, I have to roll to hit on this. Yeah, you gotta roll to hit. Melee spell attack. Okay. Roll the boop. Fuck me running! It’s a one. You. I know, you know what, it’s okay. That happens with Inflict Wounds a lot, doesn’t it? It just happens to me a lot, yes, but I’m gonna use my bonus action to bring my Spiritual Weapon over. Mm-hmm. (mumbles) spell to take a swirly. Yeah. I try to bring it down over head as my duplicate’s going– It’s so painful, I know! Oh, that was a two. I rolled a one and then a two. Where’s my jail? What Kickstarter dice is that? (laughs) Now, these are the spell dice, and I’m not gonna blame them, ’cause they’re really beautiful. You can blame them. I’ll use them for the rest of the night. (all laugh) That is some punishment enough, I suppose. Does that finish your turn? I mean, yeah. (Travis laughs) At least, you know what? I hope she feels at least a little embarrassed, ’cause she got booped on the nose. She did.
That’s true. You can see, as soon as the illusionary Jester pulls back, there’s a look of (growls) on her face. And looks back, like one of those rack focuses, and the illusion, and (whooshes) onto you back there, kind of doing more actual casting, just like, starting piece two and two together. All right, that brings us to Pumat, who actually was holding his spell that I forgot to release there. Fuck! Balls! Which would’ve been, it was Acid Arrow. Easy.
I’m angry! You would’ve had advantage (mumbles). You’re so emotional. I’m so (laughs). You would be, too. It could’ve been so cool.
I know. Everything we’re doing tonight could have been so cool. So, Pumat deals– Good Pumat. Roll it. Watch and learn, oof. Oof. (all laugh) It’s so pretty, though. Natural 20. Shut up.
15 points of acid damage. That wasn’t as bad. 16, 19, 15. You keep it over there then. And is currently slathered with acid, it’ll continue to burn for the next round. And now comes to Pumat’s turn. Pumat is now going to go ahead, and seeing how the tide is turning here, he’s gonna go ahead and cast, let’s see here. What you doing, Pumat? Hmm. He’s gonna go ahead and cast Blindness and Deafness on them. Ooh, that’s good. He’s doing what? Pumat is casting Blindness. Which one? Blindness. Oh, Pumat Prime or two? Pumat Prime. Pumat two is technically you. Yeah, it’s technically me right now. Saving throw does save, unfortunately. With the D4?
Oh, the D4. Still saves.
Damn it. Doesn’t work, but Pumat is now gonna move over here, and ducks behind. Now that you guys seem to have it taken care of, finishes cast the spell, oh, that’s a poopy chance there, I’m just gonna go ahead and crouch down, and gets down low behind. All right, finishing Pumat’s turn, that brings us to Caleb and Caduceus. Yeah, okay, I’m just gonna fire off five more Magic Missiles, sideways, and they’ll swirl and twirl and strike right in the middle. Those auto-hit. That is five, eight, 11 points of damage, and then he carefully gets down off the table and just feels his way sideways along the wall, quietly as he can, towards the stairs, but sticking to the wall. Here?
As far as he can go. Yeah. Are you doing like a stealthy? I mean, that would be an action to be stealthy. Yeah, but you’re just trying to be– Just hugging the wall. You got it.
I love that you have little teeny health potions on the map. I’ve had like no way to use them for a long time. Teeny tiniest little things in there, just getting tossed around. It’s like it’s a battle room. So cute. Saddle shop. All right, that finishes Caleb’s turn, Caduceus. I’m gonna go for a Blight. Go for a Blight, all righty. Constitution? Constitution, D4. 13. Oh, nevermind. You win? I mean, I didn’t win. You won the game?
I won the game, I think D&D is over.
11 with the Bane. Oh, wow. That’s 8d8. Dipped my hair in my coffee? (all laugh) Where are my eights?
You got the whole caboodle? Did my husband just laugh at me? Yeah. 8d8, here we go. Is that a first? No.
You sure? I think so. (laughs) I’m just gonna have to write this down, ’cause I’m too tired to actually get the map to work. I’m already rolling ones in the game, I don’t need ’em in real life. Ooh. 11. 32 points of necrotic damage. Ooh. That’s nasty. You don’t happen to be part magic plant or anything? No, unfortunately, sorry. Okay. No, but that stunt kept her from going back into the floor. That’s good. Actually, that wrecked a lot. Yeah, and then. Just for, do I have anything I can do for a bonus action? I don’t think there really is anything I can do, ’cause I’ve already done my hidden spent. Yeah, I’m just gonna take, yeah, I’m just gonna stay right where I am. Okay. Was it you, are you? As close to the floor as possible. Huh? Whip her. He’s already got the other weapon, you have to like switch it out. We gotta keep her here. Yeah, I don’t know if that would do it. So, with my bonus action, can I cast a Hex Blades curse on her? (all chattering) To the ground for one round. Can’t do anything today. Found a part here, all right, here we go. Stacking ’em on. (laughs) And can I reach back with the sword and pulse the runes, I will cast Banishing Smite on this melee strike? Sure, yeah, go for it. So, that is… I just roll a regular melee attack, let’s see if it hits. That is 20. 20. She’s gonna use her reaction to parry, add five to your AC, misses. Such a bitch. Didn’t she already burn her reaction? No, that was, ’cause her turn, okay, nevermind. Wow, does that cancel out that spell too? Look at the spell, see if says ’til the next attack hits. It is the next attack, next melee attack. The next melee attack? It is… I’ve never used it before. It’s okay. Next time you hit a creature with a weapon. Hit a creature, so it’s still there, you have a second attack. That can still work. Oh, great, okay. Get it. Yeah, 24! 24 hits, let’s roll to see if the last mirror image. (dramatic music) No, that hits. Yeah! What does this do? 5d10 damage, and let’s see. Oh, come on. 24. 33, one more, right? That was five.
That was five, okay. 33 points of force damage, I think. Did it happen to reduce the target to 50 hit points or fewer? Yes. It banishes it. (Matthew laughs) Whoa! To where? If the target is native to a different plane of existence than the one you’re on, the target disappears, returning to its home plane. If the target is native to the plane you’re on, the creature vanishes into a harmless demi-plane. While there, the target is incapacitated, and remains there until the spell ends, at which point, the target reappears in the space it left. How long is the spell? One minute. Okay, so we can prepare. So we can heal! Whack! Have this large arc of divine light-green energy, see these spirals of strange vines begin to curl around the blade. The first swing goes wide, you see she dodges out of the way, immediately taken aback by this sudden burst of divine energy; the second swing, however, is a back-hand to the side. As it impacts, it flashes, and you can see the vines reach out and wrap around her, and suddenly, she’s cocooned, very much in the way that you were when you made the transition, except the cocoon suddenly crumbles, and there’s nobody there. Wow.
Tight. How long does it last? One minute, you got one minute. Oh, all my shit will disappear. I need a healing potion! Just a duplicate and a Spiritual Weapon. Someone heal me! Should we down potions? I’ll jump over and cast your wounds at third level. On who?
You, Nott. On me?
Yeah. Did you bring it back after we’ve had (mumbles). It just brings it back after one minute. Did add a D4 for being huge? No. Which is awesome. Four points, so eight. Oh, that’s good. 31 points of damage on one strike, not too bad. 23 hit points back. If the spell ends before one minute has passed, if it ends before a minute, the target reappears. Otherwise, if it doesn’t end in under a minute, it stays on its own plane. Am I mistaken? It remains there until the spell ends. But you could drop it. No, that’s if it’s native to a different plane. It is. Right. There’s a difference between Banishment and Banishing Smite, they’re different spells. Yeah, Banishing Smite… Yeah, it comes back when spell’s done. It’s not quite an awesome banishment. Does a shit ton of damage as well, that’s kinda the benefit there. It’s like a do whatever you need. Correct, all right. So, you guys are getting prepped here. What are you doing? But she’ll reappear right there. Correct.
Okay. Does the grease stay out? The grease is still there. How long does the grease stand? It doesn’t say. Oh no, one minute, sorry, my mistake, sorry. Okay, where does she go then? She’s right, she’s gonna appear right there. I’m gonna reposition to where I’m kind of right there in between. How long is Fjord, Big Fjord? Do you stay Big Fjord? Big Fjord! Oh, Fjord’s big. I’m gonna be, instead of, okay. Hey, I’m gonna shout at Jester. Jester, look out the window, see if anyone’s outside! Can I peek out the window and see? Fjord does shrink. I’m gonna lose my gloves. And I’m gonna run across to the other window and look out. Over here?
Yep. Just to see if anyone’s outside. Currently, there’s people walking outside. Any enemies? Make a Perception check. One. Looks pretty safe.
‘Kay. Jester, what you got? Do I see anything outside? Make a Perception check. 20. 20. You see people walking through the street, they hear a noise, and then it’s kinda quiet, they’re not really sure what’s going on, and I forgot, ’cause grease is a concentration spell, it didn’t have any effect on this. You had to choose between that or your illusion, ’cause you are concentrating on your thing. That’s fine now, but just to remember in the future. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose one of the last things I’m gonna do– I thought ’cause it came outta the wand that I didn’t have to– You’re still maintaining concentration on the spell that you cast through it. Understandable. That way, you can’t have multiple things concentrating. I’m gonna use the rest of the minute to find a place under the table over there and hide as best as I can.
Roll for a hide. Terrible, awful, terrible, 16. 16, okay. Everyone else set? Are you sure? Grease is not a concentration. Are you sure grease is concentration? It doesn’t say it on the thing. Okay, then nevermind. I assumed it was, my bad. You’re right, so nevermind, you’re good. Instead of healing myself, I’m going to use Antilife Shell. I’ve literally never had anyone use grease in a game in five years, which is a shame, it’s a great first-level spell. What’s that other one I was gonna do, I’m sorry, I’m having a little trouble, I’m shaking too much to make my thing work. He wants to do something, and I’m gonna hold a shoot action. Caleb’s Invisibility will drop in this minute, so he’s gonna go up to the top of the stairs and sit in whatever doorway is up there, peering down from above, and everyone sees Frumpkin come dink, dink, dink, down the stairs, and sits on the table at center. Okay. Actually, stands on the floor next to Beauregard. Okay, right there? Yeah, precisely there. I also put a Death Ward on myself. Okay, Death Ward’s on you. So, I’ve got a Death Ward and an Antilife Shell, and I’m readying, ’cause I don’t wanna get hit. Is Antilife Shell concentration? It is concentration.
Nice, all right, so you were just like, nope! I’m putting a 10-foot wall around me, where no enemies can get within 10 feet of me. Can I get up on the table where Nott was, over here? Also, you’re still a Pumat? Yeah, I’m gonna stay a Pumat. Okay. In the same place? I’m going to, yeah, I’m gonna stay up there, I just wanna be in the middle of a bunch of people, and also, ’cause my 10-foot little radius is good for anybody. Pumat’s gonna go ahead and move over here. Okay, I’m just gonna go ahead and move in this table. Tables seem to be safe, right? It’s working out well for everyone? I may, yeah, we’re pretty spread out. Yeah, I’m okay, I’m gonna trust my little thing. And then I’m readying my, yeah I’ve got something ready to go. What are you readying? The same thing I did last time, the Path to the Grave. Okay, got it. I’m gonna climb up on that table, and can I hold the last charge of the sword, and I’ll hold Faerie Fire? Sure.
Oh, yeah. I’ll hold an attack, waiting for her so I can clock her as soon as she reappears. Okay. When I think there’s 10 seconds left, I take out the catment and bring up Cat’s Ire, and the claw is floating center of the room, 10 feet in the air. Basically above Beauregard and Frumpkin. There you go. That’s a lot going on right there. I’m gonna bring my duplicate back up. Actually, back me up against the wall. And I’m gonna try to boop her again as soon as she comes back in, so she’s gonna go right in front of her. Right here? As close to, yeah, right in her face. You got it. Okay. So, I’m holding Inflict Wounds again. Yeah. All right, as the minute comes to a conclusion, Bane is no longer there, Hex Blades curse lasts for? Lemme check, I think you’re probably onto something. What a crazy-looking battle map this is. It lasts for one minute, so it’s toast.
Giant orange paw in the middle of the room. Some damage it took from Pumat’s acid arrow. And (whooshes) appears there. Who’s taking the first attack? I’ll swipe. Lemme hit Faerie Fire, ’cause everybody else gets– I have advantage on what I wanna do anyway, but go for it. No, go for it.
Well, no, do it. So, Faerie Fire. We’re stealthily going to the same– Oh, initiative order. I’ll save initiative order for this, instead of everything happening at once. No, it’s the same initiative order, ’cause combat hasn’t really ended, so we’ll say, Nott. I fire 29 to hit. That hits! Do I get sneak attack, damn it. You’re not hidden. I hid. But you’re only low, and she has a higher Perception, but she is technically in melee with Beauregard, so yes, you do. All right. Let’s drop it. Ooh, lots of threes. What was the total attack on that two? It was a 29. 29, yeah. Let me roll. Nope, actually, the last mirror image absorbs the attack. Aw. She still has that? She had one left. But now they’re gone. So now, all the images have vanished, but slight kind of weird shimmery aspect of her body is now gone, and you can see her as physically there as you could imagine she could be. Mirror image is gone, ’cause it lasted a minute. Oh, this isn’t a spell, this is a inherent ability. Okay. It acts similar to it. Okay. So, that finishes your go. Next up is Beauregard. Jester, you don’t get two attacks? No, these are held actions.
Oh, held actions, right. I’m just gonna go with a giant haymaker. So, you get two strikes. Make that hay. ♪ Here we go ♪ That’s gone. All right. 19, so 29, but the first one failed. 15. 15, yeah, 15 hits. Of course, the 15 you rolled, you mean, yeah. 15 doesn’t hit, does it? Sorry, I thought you said you rolled a 15 in the dice. The first one, 15, misses. Yes, and then I rolled a 19. Oh, it was a 19, I mis-saw it, go for it. That’s nine damage. Stunning Strike. Come on. That is a 17? Yeah.
Does that work? Mm-hmm, saves. Oh, it does not have a Bane on it yet. Nope, no Bane yet.
All right, saves. All right, that finishes your go. Jester. Boop. Oh! Come on! ♪ I believe you can fly ♪ Fifth level! A fifth-level boop? Fifth-level boop. Whoa!
Does that count? It probably counts, I mean, it’s flat. It’s a cool roll. Yeah, but it’s only a 15 total. 15 total does not hit, unfortunately. If only, Fjord, you had gone first, then I could’ve had advantage. Sorry. I could’ve held it ’til after Fjord went. No, I couldn’t, that’s arranged. Because it’s a reaction, it’s not like a trained thing, and so that was the easiest way to go through it. Pumat is gonna go ahead and release, he’s gonna attempt–
Are you eating ice cream over there, or is that an acai bowl? It’s a acai bowl.
He’s gonna attempt to dominate person. Ooh. Dominate person? But 20, so she resists. Yeah, ’cause she got advantage on it, that’s why I didn’t cast it. All right, that brings it to Caleb and Caduceus. My giant cat’s claw grapples. Grapples, okay. Grappling hand. And she’s medium, it won’t, right? Yes.
Yeah, so it’s at advantage. Strength, ooh. But it’s very high, so that is a 32. 32.
34. The cat’s claw grabs down and seems to be unable to grasp. The body’s seeming momentary immaterial, immune to Bane grapple. Ooh, interesting.
All right, Caduceus. That’s a bonus action, though, yeah? That’s right, yeah. So, Magic Missile. Go for it, roll damage. (gun fires) What level?
Fifth. Okay. We weren’t able to hold a bonus action and a regular action? I know, I just did my action. That’s right. I would say. The cat’s claw is its own movement, though. The cat’s claw’s bonus action. Yeah, it’s a bonus action, so that would be in your held action, if that’s what you wanted to use it for. So, no Magic Missile on that. All right, Caduceus. Path to the Grave. Path to the Grave, Fjord? Faerie Fire, saving throw, Dexterity 15? Yeah, that’s in 20. (Travis sighs) Glitter (whooshes)! We all prepped, and we all whiffed. That was a pretty rough round of preparation, I’m sorry guys. Beauregard got nine points of damage. Big old nine damage.
That’s true. All right, Nott, you’re up. Oh, okay, I will fire again. Attack! Want the claw to have been down on the floor? Goddammit! 12. Fire again, bonus action! All right. Okay, 21. 21, reflex or reaction to parry. Goddammit! (all laugh) She’s amazing. She’s like spinning, whipping around, things are going through her. Maybe I should just jump out the window. (laughs) That finishes your turn. Yeah, I’ll still run and hide on a shelf. Okay. Up on here?
We just recruit her. Go ahead and roll a Stealth check. Well, I don’t have a bonus action to hide with, so I’m just up on a shelf. Okay. A Nott on a shelf. Okay, it’s now her turn. She’s gonna bonus action to disengage, and vanish into the floor. Goddammit! Hang on. Sentinel? Do you have a reaction, Sentinel? Disengage, wait, does Sentinel ignore disengage? I feel like it does. Feel like it does.
No, it doesn’t. Let me check. ♪ Sometimes you don’t ♪ My mom loves Almond Joy and Mounds. They’re so gross. Sentinel is so obnoxious. Come on, get her to stay. It’s just a regular old punchy-punch, right? Okay, I’m gonna turn around, I’m gonna do like a big swinging high fighter kick, just right across her face, to try and get this bitch to stay. High fighters kick? What movie have I been seeing? 17? 17 misses. (whooshes) It goes two inches just above her head as she disappears into the floor. Attack too much. We are bad at everything. That’s why they tell the MMA fighters never to try that shit. Yup. So, for the purposes of brevity, you guys prepare your stuff, and a minute goes by, and she doesn’t appear. Two minutes, five minutes of silence, and getting ready for certain positions. I fire anyway. You fire, you take a little bit of time. Should we run up and check on Pumat? Yeah, ’cause I wanna go check on the Pu. Can I run up and check (mumbles). I just back up from (mumbles), Pumats, plural? You see the three of them from upstairs kinda look down, yeah, we’re just taking it easy up here, everything okay? And Pumat’s like, yeah, no, we got it, don’t worry. Scared ’em off, whatever they were. Why does it happen every day? Woo! It kinda does to us, I don’t know. I’m gonna make some tea, anybody want any? Yes!
Oh, so much. I’m gonna, let’s put a few pots on, come on. Come on, boys, help me out here. Can we have tea sitting on the tables please? So, as you guys kinda take a moment. I sit on the edge of the counter. I don’t trust it. I’m not gonna feel safe anywhere ever again. That sucked. Nothing went right. Nope. It’s clear Obann wants us dead. She probably can’t be killed right now anyway. I don’t know.
What? Well, Laughing Hand couldn’t be killed. How did they know we were here? Scrying, yo. How do we protect against that? Who knows how long they were following us? Maybe we just need to watch our backs. Pumat? Comes back in with one tea set, and two of the other come out with two other tea sets, says, hey, this is about all we got at the moment, but it’s warm. Is there anything that you make or sell that can protect us from Scrying eyes? Well, I mean, yeah, I can make some things that can make ya undetectable. I’m gonna need a few weeks per implement to produce. Per implement? You can’t make ’em simultaneously and sort of like– Well, it only takes me that short a period of time, ’cause all four of us are working on it. Oh, okay.
Wow. I can’t just turn around and do it fast here, it’s a finely crafted art form. Yeah, that sounds– Oh here, just pouring everyone cups of tea in the center of the chamber. As he’s doing that, Pumat goes, so, why? Who was that? What’d you do, where’d they go? We found ourselves in the attention of some rather terrible people since we last saw you. Apparently. Apparently, they’ve become a bit aggressive with their plans to even the scales. Have you ever heard of the Chained Oblivion? (laughs) Wait, are you serious? ‘Fraid so.
She’s serious, yeah. Doesn’t she look serious? So wait, this person’s involved with that Tharizdun fella? Apparently. That’s real bad. And they know where I work now. Well. I think they were after us. Should we burn down the store, start afresh? I like where you’re going with that, but I think that should be a very last-case scenario. Caleb with a flame in his hand. (Sam laughs) Pumat, you don’t happen to have any secrets, arcane items, relics, that perhaps you have stowed away in your room in your back office that you don’t have out on display, anything that might’ve drawn the attention of someone like this? Only looking out for your wellbeing. ‘Cause it’s either us, or some– They were coming for us, or something you might have? I can’t imagine, they didn’t really come after me. Yeah, if the goal was to get in and out, why would you do it at a time where you have to fight seven, eight other people? Well, besides that fact, most of the stuff that I have right now that hasn’t already been shipped off to Assembly’s requirements are the things that I keep on myself to keep me safe, and I kinda wanna hold onto those right now. What are you planning to do? We have no fucking idea. If you were to trace someone that could fall through the floor, I know what we would do, what would you do? What would we do? I’d probably Scry at ’em. That sounds really smart. So, we’re going to them? That is correct, we have to find them, because it is only a matter of time before this happens again, and I hate to tell you all, but we are back to camping together indoors and out, and back on watch. Is it just this one person? No. Oh, okay.
There’s four assassins, and they’re all super powerful. There’s Yasha, who you met before. She’s the really tall girl. Wait, Yasha’s working with– Not intentionally. She’s being trapped. She might have been evil the whole time, we just didn’t know.
No, she’s not. She’s good, and she’s being mind-controlled. She had amnesia, she didn’t know. She’s being mind-controlled? Yeah. Huh. See, that there is usually some, that’s some of the magic that I can dabble in. I don’t choose to, but it’s similar kinda realms of arcane specialties. Have you heard of a thing on the back of the neck? Something that glows, I can’t remember the color. Was it red, was it glowing red? I don’t know. I can’t remember, as Jester, I can’t remember. I think it was orange.
Orange? It was kind of like an orange, it looked almost like a cigarette lighter. I mean, or you can draw it for me, and he pulls out a little thing. I will draw you a really good depiction of it. Make a Dexterity check. Oh ma! (Matthew laughs) I’m scared to roll tonight. No, you’re outta combat, it’s gonna be fine. No, it won’t. Everything’s bad, the whole world sucks. I bless you.
I already rolled it. What’d you get?
I rolled a six. Aw. So, Pumat can’t, he looks at it, he goes, ah, not sure particularly what this is. It’s definitely a glyph, but if it’s some sort of mind control thing, then there are limitations to that kind of enchantment. How long has she been under this individual’s influence? Weeks, months. That’s a powerful one. Can it be dispelled with some sort of spell? Most magic can be dispelled. He’s using it on multiple people. Wait, multiple people? He’s also working with a creature called the Laughing Hand. Big blobby terrible-looking thing. That sounds real bad. He’s got like a giant blade on his arm, and he’s got a lot of mouths all over him. Wow, that’s a delightful image. And then this chick that you just saw, and then the main guy’s like, he’s a devil, and he’s got wings.
His name’s Obann. So, they’re all controlling this Yasha girl? Obann is controlling all of them? Well, at least not Yasha. Obann’s got something maybe on all of them. Well, maybe there’s a chance at dispelling or getting rid of it, but you probably gotta be able to see it to do that. That sounds promising. Dispelling stones do. We had one, but Fjord used it. Effectively.
Well, how many of you guys can dispel? Okay.
All right, you guys have some sound opportunities there. That might work. Maybe we should find Yasha and try to get her out. Like a Stealth, like we go on the offensive, we try– And we just, all of us, all at once, hit three dispels on her. Yeah, get out while they’re sleeping. Change the odds, get her back. Do you think the rest of them are in the city? Do you think they’re in Zadash? I will definitely be able to Scry. Well, I used both my fifth levels on booping. Pumat, how’s your Scry?
(laughs) On booping! Well, I mean, I don’t really have it prepared, I don’t have to usually do that, but with a night’s rest, I can probably go ahead and get that situated. If you’re looking for information to follow folks, you should probably double up on as many any sorta distant eye-peering as we can. Yes, yep, double up. That’s smart. Why don’t we go into the back room or upstairs, somewhere a little bit not in the front of the store? Yeah. Pumats, go ahead and close up and lock up, we’re gonna go ahead and head into the Ye Olde Enchantment Chamber. Ooh, is that what it’s really called? Well, it’s what I call it, that’s what I call my bedroom. Oh. (laughs) Ooh, we get to see his comic book collection. (all laugh) So, he leads you into the back chamber. Ooh, cool CD tower. (all laugh) Oh, you haven’t even seen the laser disc section yet. Great, Tribe Call Quest, awesome! I see you’re a gal with taste. So, leads you into the back room, it’s cluttered, like ceiling to the floor. Everything is organized, it doesn’t look like it’s a hoarder’s chamber, by any means, but every bit of space is used. You can see there’s a table arranged with a whole bunch of clamps and small arcane devices that are used in the process of enchanting different types of materials and items. You can see there’s small clusters of things that are used in that process, both to be in the trigger, and inscribe and permanently create these rituals that produce these items over time. But you guys all kind of get in the back room, and kinda closes the curtain, and is like, all right, so what’re we doing here now? Detect Magic, no. (laughs) Ah, I’m blind! Well, we can’t Scry, right, Mr. Ducey, you can’t? Not right now. Can’t do that right now. We could all go to sleep, I guess. What time is it? Did we come in here in the morning? It’s like midday, like early afternoon. I think we should definitely take a rest, right? Is everybody hurt? I would like to rest, but I don’t know if the Pumats would want us to invite further danger here. I think it might be best if we maybe sleep in different places. If they’re going after you guys specifically, yeah, I mean, respectfully, maybe not be sleeping so close. Are there four beds in here, or is there one big bed? There’s one bed, and he says, oh, the simulacrums sleep upstairs. So, they do sleep. Yeah. I’ve got my room key, Sol.
They already gotten in there before, though. We could sleep at the Gentleman’s. They can get in anywhere. Aside from the crafting materials, is there anything on the walls that just sorta stick out as particularly crazy or interesting? Rare?
Make a Perception check. A 12. A 12, look around, you have no idea what most of this does. A lot of it’s just odd canisters that are labeled, but the labels have been kinda rubbed off over time, and just at a glance, you can’t really read them from this distance. You can see that there’s some pouches and things that look like they could contain elements, but you can’t really see what they are. (mumbles) says Celtic or anything? No. You gather there’s probably quite a lot of worth in this room in just raw materials that allow these enchantments to be inscribed, but you have no real knowledge of specifically what anything does in here. Caleb, should we offer to compensate the Sols for the damage and trouble we caused them? Yes, that seems fair. Can we help you make up for any problems we’ve caused for you, at least the grease?
That’s easy to clean up. I mean, it’s not like you burned it down or anything. Well, there is a bit of acid on the floor. Ah, that’s mine. No, the grease is gone, don’t worry about it. It just evaporated? You know what, it gives it character. Don’t worry about it. I can just move the rug over a little bit, and no one will be any a wiser. It’s a good rug. Really ties the room together. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Hey, Pumat? Yeah?
How much for this shield that I’m using? You’re going after this Chained Oblivion, right? Yeah.
5,000 gold. Go ahead and take it. Yeah! Really? Oh my gosh, what does it look like? You look at it, it has a red leather inlay over the top of it, and there’s a bunch of these brass studs that kinda poke through. It doesn’t look extremely detailed, but it’s pretty, and aside from you holding it, has not seen any combat use, so it could very well look on a wall. I run over and give him a hug. Thank you so much. Oh, least I can do you, kept me safe. I mean, you brought it here, so yeah, it all comes out in the rush. All right.
Weird. Yeah, go ahead and get your rest about you, maybe come on by tomorrow, and we’ll all see if we can find a quiet space here, maybe not in the middle of the chamber, and see if we can ascertain any information about where this figure, or the others, might be. So, we are not taking a sit down and rest here? Somewhere else. So we don’t draw attention to him. But a short rest here, but a long rest somewhere else, right? We do need an hour to just–
Do different things. Yeah. Do your short rest, not here, right? Oh my god. I think he said to me we should leave. Okay, so we’ll stay here for an hour? Yeah, oh, that’s fine. He reaches under the table into a little box and pulls something out and affixes it onto the front of his robe. I’ll just stay in here. Just do it on the other side of the room. Oh, no problem. You recognize the brooch specifically, it’s similar to the one you have. Let’s, just, ’cause I’m a little nervous walking out this door if we’re not at full health. Everybody keep their backs to walls. If we have just freeloaded our way into a short rest here, I’m going to do Arcane Recovery. Take short rest if you’d like. Short rest it is. Six plus eight is 14. Three. 17. We’re quiet, too quiet. (whooshes)
(gags) All right. After you finish your short rest, what would you like to do? We need to give the Pumats their space, so let’s go somewhere and decide what we want to do. We could do that over a drink, perhaps. Jester, you said you had wanted to perhaps speak with the Gentleman. It’s a safe place to go. Also a place of beverages and revelry. Tucked away from prying eyes. He may know some information. I doubt she’ll want to jump in and try and stabby stab in the Gentleman’s place. I mean, probably not. We have to be super careful on the way there, though, yeah? Also, that seems like quite a lot, that was a lot, and going there could be a lot. You ready for that? Well, I mean, I’ve already seen him before, so it’s not like that’s the first time ever. Well, but sometimes thinking about something and then the moment, they’re two different things. That’s true. I think just pull the bandaid right off, just go and see him. You’re gonna call him Dad as soon as we get there, aren’t we? Yeah, what would you say? Oh, hey Dad. It’s good to see you again, so glad that I’m here now, we can be a good family. Is there anything you want to say to me, since it’s been a long time? You’re not my daughter, I don’t know who you are. I’m just setting you up for the worst, so you don’t have this reaction when you see him! He’s not going to say that. I disavow you, you’re not related to me. He’s not going to say that. Well, I’m just setting you up so that you don’t do that when you see him. It is good to role-play scenarios. I’m going to, if he says that, I’ll just say, well, okay then, I guess I’ll go. What should I say? I don’t know, I have never been in this situation. I think maybe, oh man, the Gentleman seems like he might have commitment issues, and if you want to eventually build a relationship with him, you might wanna do it slowly over time. That was really good advice. You have a pretty good relationship with your dad, right? Yeah, it’s what I attempted, and it failed, so I don’t know. I’m just going to go in there as my mom. Ooh, I don’t know. (all chattering) Missed me on that one. Here’s the thing, he doesn’t know I’m in the city, and if I go in there as my mom, and he doesn’t recognize her, then it’s not my dad. But if I go in there as my mom, and he’s like, oh my god. I don’t know if tricking your father into a relationship with you is the best. I’m sorry I left you when you were pregnant. Let’s play a game though. Talk like your mother. Oh, I do that all the time. Let’s hear it. Babenon, it’s so good to see you, it’s been so long. I’ve missed you so much, my dearest. It’s pretty good, actually. She’s almost as good as me. No, we’re missing the point that this is a bad idea though. Actually, doesn’t he have vials of our blood that give him the ability to know that we are here now? Only if he is actively looking, it’s not like he’s got them on little dingers or something. What if he’s assigned someone to tracking all the vials of blood?
Okay, are we still missing the overall point that you can’t trick your dad into a relationship by pretending to be your mom? Well, I think what Jester is going– I’m going to find out if he actually is my dad. Here’s the thing, I’m going to be honest with you guys, okay? But not with him. You’re gonna be honest with us, but not with him. Yeah, obviously. Are we gonna have to watch you flirt with your dad? No! It’s really just to see this initial reaction, because here’s the thing, every time I told him he’s my dad, every time I’ve talked to him, I was lying, he doesn’t actually say, oh my gosh, Jester, please come see me, he doesn’t say that. What does he say? He says, you’re not my daughter, I don’t know who you are, you’ve got the wrong guy. You were surprisingly accurate, actually, then. Well, I’m sorry for that. A couple of variations on your plan, not saying not to do your plan, you could paint a picture and show it to him to see if the response, or you could have Fjord or myself take on the appearance so that his either affections or ire. If he comes at me like he’s going to make out with me, I’ll just drop it, you guys. It’s not like I’m going to be like, oh. Sometimes you panic and do weird things, though, what if you, I’m just saying. I’m just saying. I think it’s a good idea, I think it’s a really good idea, you guys. I actually like it a lot. Thank you, Fjord. I support you, but I just– Beauregard does not like this idea. It sounds, it’s weird, it’s a little weird, and what almost got you killed in Nicodranas was by doing this exact same thing, and that’s what got you kicked out and banned. Best-case scenario, what is the best thing that can happen? I care about you! Best-case scenario, he goes, Marion, I missed you so much, and then I drop, and I go, ha-ha, you fucking liar, you are my dad! And then you betrayed your dad right in front of him. But he’s a Gentleman! He’s into sneaky shit. He’ll be like, oh, Jester, you’re so sneaky, I respect you so much more than before. That’s right, you are my daughter. I like it. I think he’ll be embarrassed. I think he’ll be embarrassed, and he’ll be resentful a little bit. I think so too. Look, I know we’re the Mighty Nein, and we like to build expectations way before any situation we get into, but, just come here. I pull her aside, just away from the guys. Have you noticed ever since she got the robe, Beau’s been really, there’s been a take-charge attitude that just kinda kicked in. I’m coming too. All right, come on, Chaos Crew. She’s kind of always been a pain in the ass, to be honest.
I’m very impressed by her, I like this new vibe. What is it?
Girl talk. I wanna help you figure this out, I really do. I think it’s important, if he is your dad, for you to find that out, I think that’s fair, and actually maybe have a chance at a relationship with your father. I want to let you know that I’m not trying to shoot down your idea because I don’t support what you’re trying to go for, but I just care about you and your safety, and this is giving me that tingle up the back of my spine like it could backfire in an unsafe way. I agree. I will say this, the last several times that we’ve seen my family, I’ve been in disguise, and it just feels wrong, it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel like you’re really making a connection if you’re just deceiving them with your very appearance. Okay.
You can do this, Jester, go with your instinct! What if we go, and I go as me, and if he is like, he just keeps denying it, then I bamf as Marion, just to see what his reaction is, and then I can bamf, ’cause if he really loves my mom, then he’d be like (gasps) for a split second. That feels, maybe.
More upfront, and less potentially bad. I think that you will know in the first second of seeing him as yourself if he’s your dad, just the way he looks at you when you walk into the room, you will know instantly. He makes a whole career out of secrets. I know, but a parent cannot disguise the way they look at their child. Hey, one of the only good nights that I ever had with my dad, I found him with a half-empty bottle of wine, he passed it over to me. It was probably the only real conversation we really ever had. Were you disguised as your mom? No, I can’t do that.
Okay, cool. Maybe just sit him down, have a drink with him. I don’t know. Did you play Uno? I always dream of playing Uno with my dad. He was more of a Parcheesi type of a guy, which was like terrible. Who fucking plays Parcheesi? It’s Marqueesi in-game. I was gonna say, are Uno and Parcheesi now weirdly canon? Oh boy. Invented it. (laughs) Canon. (all laugh) Jenga, Parcheesi. Sorry, Hasbro.
Just all Milton Bradley. My father’s name was Milton Bradley. All right, I won’t do it. If you guys think it’s a bad idea, I won’t do it. I think it’s a good idea to see him. And we’re going to be begging for sanctuary. Caduceus, you just walk in conversations, you just showed up, you scared me. Well, no matter where I go– It’s okay, Caduceus, you’re welcome into any conversation. Well, you guys were taking a while, and I think we should kinda stick together. Yeah, we did just walk three feet away. All right, let’s go. Are we all looking like the Ruby of the Sea when we’re going?
Yeah, we’re all walking in as the Ruby of the Sea. (all laugh) Just like Harry Potter, all of us.
We say all in unison, it’s nice to see you. If we go tomorrow, we can do that. But not today. No, ’cause then I won’t be able to see the way he looks at me, right? How far away are we from the Gentleman’s? Let’s see. He would be in the Interstead Sprawl, maybe like a 40-minute walk from where you currently are, not terribly far from the Pentamarket. Maybe a little less of a walk. I’m gonna keep my eyes very open, and I’m gonna use Enhance Ability for the walk, and then some. Are you guys bee-lining right there? Yes, what are we doing? It’s up to you guys.
We’re just gonna walk then. Okay. With totally like, the minute we walk outside.
Are we being followed, I’m keeping my eyes– A Perception check. I’m going to attack the darkness. (all laugh) That’s a 24. Okay. Other than drawing a few looks, most of them towards Nott, who is unabashedly in goblin form, a few people kinda give a strange eye, and you are wearing some unique threads. So, you’re drawing a few stares, but it seems no one’s following you. You’re just not inconspicuous. Do we need to walk back-to-back all the way there? Like link arms? Not inconspicuous. (laughs) Linked arms and rotating in circles. Just like a phalanx. (all laugh) Look dear, the circus. Street performers. Caleb is gonna take out, he still has a brown cloak that he got in Zadash ages ago, and he’s gonna cover up his Zemnian clothing as they walk through town. It’s a white cloak that was just made brown by contact with Caleb’s body. Constant fear, just constant shitting, non-stop shitting. All right. We all put on our non-Zemnian? Or Zemnian clothing? Yes, we put on, yes, we all put on our Zemnian. Okay. So, you make your way over to The Evening Nip. As you enter the dark dive bar interior, bring back memories to your first journey here to Zadash, you come across the familiar burned, scarred dwarf, Clive, who watches the entrance. He kinda gives you all a stern look for a second, not recognizing you as you enter. Can I help you? We bring many gifts. Fucking man, you are fast. You’re led over towards the doorway, and you descend into the spiral staircase, down into the Gentleman’s lair. As you enter the chamber below, you can see some old faces, some new faces. The large ogre that previously kind of was the overall watch bouncer there is staying there. (growls) Kinda just glances over. You can see a few figures sitting, they all kinda look as you begin to walk down the steps, everyone kinda putting their hand towards their blade, and then no relaxing, the new faces don’t relax, some of the ones that you recognize kind of slacken a little bit. To the back of the chamber, where you’ve many times seen the Gentleman, he is sitting there with a pair of spectacles the end of his nose, currently poring over what looks like a stack of paperwork with a number of large bags on the table, and is currently in the process of counting and putting gold into what looks like sacks. You’re not sure what the breadth or reason of this is. And then standing behind, you see Sorah, the female Goliath bodyguard just kind of staring you all down as you approach. He kind of takes a moment, looks up, oh my goodness, it has been some time, has it not? And he takes the glasses off, sets ’em down. Mighty Nein, right? Indeed. You look different, hardened. I take it this war has been profitable for you as well? No, we’ve actually been pretty broke, I feel like. We’re doing okay right now. Ebbs and flows. Oh, there are better businesses in times of war. Are you come for work, ’cause I have plenty. I’ll just hand him a handkerchief. You just have a little schvitz there, you’re schvitzing a little bit. Thank you. We’ve actually come for help, and hopefully to have a conversation about– About the fact that you’re my dad. Insight check. (all laugh) Make an Insight check. Four! (all laugh) I’ve got the Insight up anyway, I have advantage rolling right now. That’s 25. Oh guys! Do you know what the worst part is? Huh? Oh, Brick! Nott is out in the front, just going like (grunts), and Caduceus is 10 feet back, going, meh. (all laugh) I don’t know what to announce. You know what, Laura, you know what we have that’s really soft and nice? Blankets. They’re Tal’Dorei map blankets, guys. We’ve been through this. So, I have a deep contact from beyond the battlefield, and the lines and the current conflict, providing me with intel. Keeps me from being surprised, which is the majority of my business. He spoke of a troop of Dwendalian defectors, who championed a great boon to their queen. Not gonna lie, the vague description did tickle my memory. Anything else tickling your memory? I think I have a proposal for you. We find ourselves in need of, just to start with, some sanctuary for the evening. We’re being hunted. Oh yeah, sanctuary is very much one of the things that we can provide for compatriots and business relationships. If we give you some intelligence, ’cause we know some stuff, and we have some stuff that I think might affect your business in the city, would you be willing to maybe help us with our problem, and in return, we’ll see how much we know that you don’t? Your sentence structure confuses me, but you seem like an earnest fellow. Yeah. (all laugh) Sure, go ahead– It was really hard to put together in my head. Almost as if you were making it up. Interesting idea. Go ahead and provide the intel. Well, for starters, that definitely was us that you heard talk about. Wow. (Travis laughs) There’s more. Beau, if you wanna get in on some of this, we are currently being hunted by what we thought was a cult called the Angel of Irons, but it turns out, I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Angel of Irons, has he heard of the Angel of Irons? Insight check? Make an Insight check. 22. I can’t say that I have. Sounds culty, to be perfectly honest. Yeah, it’s basically a cult. What do you know about the Betrayer Gods? Well, you did a roll (mumbles). You guys, all month long, Critical Role is partnering with OSD. The link is critrole.com/OSD, supporting our military communities. If you support ’em, you’ll feel as comfy as you would with a blanket. What you mean, I’m your dad? Oh. Caleb, you were saying? Tharizdun, have you ever heard of Tharizdun? I know of the tales. Why? Yeah, this cult wants to bring him back. Unleash him. They’ve already made some progress. They’re doing quite well. Poking holes. And they seem to be parading around in your city at the moment.
He just attacked the shit out of us. The assassins, the Inevitable End. It’s the name of the assassin who just attempted to attack us. Successfully, wasn’t an attempt. All right, and you escaped them, and you came here. Were you followed? No. Of course not. I did my best to make sure we weren’t followed. We were being super stealthy on the way over. We were in our circle, remember? Well, I was watching, I didn’t see any signs of being followed. Part of the issue that we are concerned about is that they are bringing something that seems cataclysmic upon the world, and the war is their cover. I mean, that is rather dire. They were the ones that attacked the Cobalt Soul. They’re the ones who’ve been opening, on both sides of the war, rifts to other dimensions, letting creatures through, trying to get the other side to take blame. That’s terrifying. It’s unclear how far the corruption reaches, and exactly its influences on the current world events, but we know it’s bad. Both governments. We also know that you are normally much more concerned with your own business and your own profits, so all of this information might be interesting to you, but what do you want with us? We have traveled far and wide now, and have allies in distant corners of the realm. Here’s my perspective on this: I’m a smuggler. I’m certain all of this is terrible and dangerous. This is far above any of our pay grades down here. If you want sanctuary, you have it. If you want work, I’ll find it. If you want something that’s hard to acquire, that somebody else currently holds onto, I can arrange that. But going after terrible gods from eons past and cults that are embedded in governments, using a proxy war, this, I’m going to be perfectly honest, is far beyond anything I want to get involved with. Do you smuggle people? (dramatic music) I try not to. Have you smuggled people here recently? Has there been a request? Recently, no. Since I’ve reconnected with the Marduns, I’ve been able to close my business opportunities that dealt with such things. It’s a messy business, and while profitable at times, just never quite rubbed me the right way. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. You are no altruist, that is no surprise to us. You are a smuggler. Have you smuggled anything extraordinary in recent months? I’ve sold a number of relics out of the Savalier Wood. That’s primarily some of the business I’ve been doing with Ophelia since you brought her back here, which has been quite profitable. It’s hard to smuggle out much under the nose of the Trebain family, but did sell a strange skull from those ruins recently to the Stassmans out in Kamordah. Stassmans in Kamordah? That would be the skull of the person that just attacked us. Who’s the Stassmans? I believe the Stassmans are the people that are chasing us, perhaps. Stassmans chasing you? They’re a wine family. No, I don’t believe they are. That’s why they were by, remember? They were by your family, Beau. That’s why. The Stassmans have the skull. They’ve had a taste for unique antiquities for decades. They have quite the collection, and they pay well. They might not have known. Elven Thicket. They were over by Beau’s family. So, they imported the skull, and then Obann went there to get it. Were they working for Obann, or was it just coincidence? The Stassmans might be dead. You said they’ve been gathering antiquities for years? For decades, yeah.
For decades. How many of these antiquities have you supplied them with? Oh, well over a dozen, probably. Do you happen to have an inventory, a record of what those things might’ve been? We’re so sorry to ask, but this is– I’m so sorry to disappoint. Part of my business is keeping certain elements to myself. Of course, perhaps a favor for a favor, then? I’m sure coin– Of course, I’m giving you sanctuary for the evening, what favor do you owe me now? We would be very interested to learn what some of these relics might be. Perhaps there is a job of particular import that needs a delicate touch? I appreciate what you’re saying, but I do not relinquish that information. I run a business, and that business runs on trust between the clients and myself. Well, gather up your pennies, because there are forces at work that will tear it all down around us. Well then, I hope the allies you have in both governments are helpful. We do, as well. Have you heard any rumblings about a particular item, perhaps traveling from the Dynasty into the Empire? It’s been referred to as a beacon. It’s geometric in shape. It has magical properties. 12-sided. If you look into it, it’s really lucky. Can’t say I have. Make an Insight check. I was about to say, I’ll do another Insight check. Okay, both of you guys roll. I’m just trying to– Stassmans. I’m slowly migrating my way over towards Jester while this is happening.
What is it? 20. Lower, 13. Okay. ♪ Oh, please tell us in whispers ♪ I’m at the point where I’m almost out of– DM from his lap, just stay there. Dndbeyond.link/rickandmorty, everybody. Hey, should we pass out those healing potions? All righty. (laughs) Have you talked to the Stassmans lately? Do you know if they’re alive? No, alive? They might be dead, because they could’ve gone there and killed them just to get this skull from them. Same people. I’ll look into it. If there’s any way to find out, that would be very helpful. Snaps his fingers, and you see the strange little creepy gnome-ish halfling-looking person, you’re not quite certain what race, but they kind of approach, and he’s, could you please look into Stassmans for me? (laughs) Would I remember anything about the Stassmans? Saunters off. They’re a competitive wine family. They’re wealthy. What area are they from? Kamordah.
Sorry, you said that, yep. They’re kind of the Addams Family of Kamordah. Creepy house on the hill? Yeah, they’re strange, they have an aesthetic that doesn’t mix with the rest of the people there. They’re not terrible, but they’re definitely wealthy, they flaunt it a bit, and they just have unique interests and kind of like a home-based museum, and they actually, on one of the houses that many of the various diplomats and nobles from across the empire and sometimes the Menagerie Coast come and invite them to stay with them, partially to show off what they have, and to make more connections to possibly continue to embolden that collection. Like the family from The ‘Burbs, I’m very excited. Kinda, yeah, actually. Love that movie. But please, make the place your own, and if anything does come up that can be of help to you, I’ll let you know, but please understand, this is beyond me. I just whisper, I kinda like nudge Jester. One last thing. I cast Disguise Self and turn myself into Marion. Get it, queen! Let’s go! Okay. What’s he do? As soon as it goes up, ’cause he’s putting his glasses back on as this happens, and he goes like. Babenon. What is this devilry? Oh, do you know the Ruby of the Sea? I’ve heard of her, yes. Is this her? Insight check! Make an Insight check. I’ll help you!
Help me! Are you just gonna take my Insight check, ’cause I just did one too. Oh. Do it! I do it too, I will get them in the eye. Well, I mean– No, it’s fine.
Natural one. Great journey to the one. I’m probably gonna get a one as well. I got a two. 27. You’ve already made an Insight check. It hasn’t changed from the last time? Okay, just checking. Some say she’s the best lay ever. Well, that’s impressive. Maybe you’ll have to stop by someday. (dramatic music) I drop Disguise Self. He looks at Caduceus. I have work to attend to. It’s payday, and I like to make sure that my employees are well taken care of. And he puts the glasses completely on and begins counting coins and going back to his– Hey, Gentleman? Yes? I think you can call him Man for short. Mr. Man? Gentleman’s fine. Mr. Gentleman. You wouldn’t happen to know who’s on the Tal’Doreian Council? (all laugh) That is deep. Fucking two hours and 10 minutes. Oh, fuck. (laughs) I love you. (all laugh) 130 minutes. You earned that. (all laugh) I do. Fucking killer. We’re just curious. Might get in contact with one of them. I don’t know about this cult thing. Not gonna tell us.
Do you have the names? Mm-hmm. Are you writing them down, is that what you’re doing? No, I’m finishing my work. You said before that you had work, that you had jobs. Are those on the table, or you’ve retracted those jobs? I mean, yes, but it depends on what you think are more pressing matters. You seem to be racing towards these grandiose visions of being heroes running into the maw of terrible black devouring gods. Just the maws of like– We can’t do any of that without allies and without information, you have both. Hopefully, we’ll find out what happened to that family. And sometimes, a job can be rather revealing. We’d be very interested in what you might have and be in need of. All right. I have one shipment that’s going up to Ophelia, in about a week, heading up toward Shadycreek Run. With the current war effort and the very watchful eye of the Righteous Brand and Crownsguard right now, looking for any sort of incursions by Kryn assassins or scouts, it’s been difficult for us to move across the road, so basically, if you have your skillsets in Deception and illusion, as you’ve displayed, you will be good candidates to see this delivery done, and not tied up in inspections. If you were to deliver it safely to Shadycreek by a three-week span from today, leaving a week from now, let’s see here, that will pay out 2500 gold pieces. I don’t think we’re interested in gold. But if you feel like divulging the names on that Council list, we could come to an arrangement. Or other information that might be more pressing. (all laugh) We will certainly consider your offer, and we thank you for the sanctuary. Of course.
We’ll get back to you. Let’s see, for what’s opening there, I do have my guest chambers available, and he points kind of behind you and to the left of the room. When you head down, there’s the spiral staircase that leads inside, and to the immediate right and up, there’s a balcony, and you can see there is a bedroom up there, and a small staircase that leads up, and he kinda points to it and says– For the record, the assassin can pass through stone, and was jumping in and out of the floor. Then you’re fucked. Yeah. Somewhat. So, if it shows up, just please leave. Sure.
We’ll remember that. Anyway. Thank you for your hospitality. Of course. Stay as long as you need. Food, drink, at your disposal, we are friends. I need a drink.
Me, too. It’s good to see you all safe. As we walk away, I walk over to Jester and put a hand on her shoulder. I kinda lean on the other shoulder. You all right? What’d you think? Did you see the look in his eyes, did you get anything, the glint, recognition? Caduceus. What do you make of him? I’m still trying to figure it out. He is, even from my experience with complicated individuals and underworld types, and I have had some experience, I haven’t quite pinned down what I think yet. Well, he is literally a slippery one. I mean, if he is your dad, fuck him, right? Why do you want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you? That’s true. You’re too good for him. Yeah. If you knew he was your dad, would you be proud of that, happy? I don’t know, I was just kind of happy that I knew. Mama seemed so sure. But if he doesn’t want me, then I don’t want him, it’s fine. I just wrap my arms around her. We’re glad to have you. Thank you. I’m glad to be here. Sometimes, found family is better anyway. It’s been nice. My dad didn’t want me either, so. Fuck them. Well, I mean– No, fuck them. Well, if he is your dad, he’s not bad. He even said he hardly ever human traffics. I mean, that’s principles. He could human traffic all the time. That’s why I asked. I was like, if he is my dad, I just don’t want him to do slaves– He doesn’t, mostly. What? I just figured out what that meant, I was just putting that together. Sorry, I was thinking about carts, anyway. Real fast, just ’cause it’s easier than me having to get up, just close your ears. Cup your ears. Everybody but Caduceus. Oh! What do you mean? While this conversation’s happening, you can see that the Gentleman is, while head down in his work, his eyes are very clearly trained on the group. Yeah, all right, we’re good. What just happened? Stuff for later. All right, so you have drinks readily available, the bartender serves them up. Some people come, some people go, most everyone leaves you to your own business, and they wish to be left to their own. You watch as the Gentleman gives out payment to the employees, each one kinda stepping forward and being handed their pay before he goes and requests that one of the finer bottles of wine, brought in from Feolinn, is given to you. I’ll look at it real quick. It’s a good one. It’s actually pretty good. It grows in the plum groves. Feolinn’s like, from the Menagerie Coast, one of the wine spots. Yeah, it’s fine. Is it made from grapes? I’m not gonna drink it. You want a whiskey? Yeah. I’ll go to the bar with Beau. And I take a swig from the bottle, take it with me. I’ll get a couple whiskeys.
Oh, me and you going to the bar? All right. Okay. Is there anything you guys wanna do, or are you just kind of bedding up for the night to rest? Could I have a milk please? (laughs) The guy behind goes, (grunts) yeah, I’ll get you milk. Little whiskey for the cat. Smell that. Uh-oh, no! (laughs) Pours it, it’s a little thick. (all laugh) Slides it over. I bring it over and set it down in front of Jester and sit across from her at a table, and say, a parent is a parent. Everybody’s different, but sometimes, it’s hard to write them off. Give it some time. If everyone’s busy, I’m gonna take a pot of tea over and see if the Gentleman would like a pot of tea. I’m going to get some hot water and make my own tea. Okay. I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine. It’s very rare. How rare? Only comes from the Blooming Grove. I actually was hoping to ask a favor. Have you heard of the Blooming Grove? I’ve heard of it, yeah, it’s a little ways out of Shadycreek. It’s a graveyard. It’s much more than that, but yes. All right, bring me a bit, I’m curious. I pour. My family has been watching over the Blooming Grove since it was created; we were the ones who planted the first body beneath it, and we have worked very hard to maintain it, and it is dying from something. Would it be possible to have someone check in on it and report back, would it be possible to have some news of if it still stands, if it’s holding fast? My family had to… I don’t know where they are, and I don’t know if they’re okay, and it’s been a long time, and there’s a part of me that is very lonely. Make a Persuasion check, with advantage. Persuasion, 16. 16. He takes another sip. I can arrange that. I’ll gladly leave you some tea, if not for yourself, to impress somebody who might be impressed by such things. I’m not gonna lie, it’s delightfully musty. I wasn’t expecting that. I apologize, I’m a little… Family is so complicated, and I was cruel, on occasion, to my siblings, and not as honest with my parents as I wish I could’ve been, but it is a unique and exquisite complication, family. I know I’ve had my knocks growing up. A brother I don’t care to speak of anymore, or speak to. Well, I’m just saying. You should tell her. I think it would do you good, both of you. Thank you for the tea. I had one last sentence, two minutes ago. I’m sorry that your father has not been a part of your life. He is the one who has missed out. Thank you, Caleb.
And I drink half of the milk, and it’s really bad. It’s really bad, Caleb, it smelled really terrible. Make a Constitution saving throw. (laughs) Please spray rotten milk all over the Gentleman’s bar. It is a seven. A seven? So, you drink it, and just immediately (spits) on the counter. Not like a full vomit, but you just spit it back up immediately, and just like, oh. It’s good you didn’t drink it. I take the rag from my dress and just wipe Caleb’s mouth. Thank you. Fucking cup’s stuck in the milk. Don’t drink it (mumbles). (all laugh) Am I still at the bar with Nott? Yeah. Ah!
Yeah, that’s good. Another. Got any lime and salt? No lime. Salt, and he pulls a pouch of salt. I have some of the rotten hallucinogenic fruit that we took that one time, you could rub that on the rim. One, two, three. (Sam sighs) Have you thought about that secret you were gonna tell me? I’m sorry, what? Have you thought about that secret you were gonna tell me? Oh, we’re still doing that thing? Confide. It really looks from your eyes like you’ve been thinking about this. (laughs) Been a week, surely you have. (laughs) All right. One more round. Okay. Who goes first? Do we go at the same time? Sure.
Or should we flip for it? Ooh, let’s flip for it. What do we flip?
I don’t know. A coin that I don’t have. Ah! Ooh, yeah, oh, perfect. This is awesome. Okay, ready?
Oh, that too. Number or not? Heads or tails?
Tails. Tails, you go first?
You go first! Or tails you get to choose? Tails you get to choose. Okay.
I get to choose. All right. I’m drunk, oh, that was a big flip. You don’t have enough dinners. Natural 20. Or, it’s the heads. Sorry, it’s a kraken. It was a kraken symbol. What does that mean?
Heads. You get to choose.
I get to choose. You go first. Listen to me. Stay in your personal sphere when you are playing Dungeons and Dragons. Stay here. Fuck you, you’re not here. Put your arm away from my face! (all laugh) All right. (slurps) It’s a little embarrassing. Another one. When I was in that prison cell with Widogast over there, for the first few days, I was kind of attracted to him. I mean, he was filthy, obviously, and very, I mean, he smelled awful. Oh, the dagger. I just saw him one night, sort of trying to look out the window, the moonlight was hitting his face, and he was very handsome. Yeah, we kind of got that vibe before, kinda thought there might be that feeling. Had a little bit of a crush. But then I got to know him. And kinda like friend zone? Well, I mean, I’m also married, happily married, but I will say I haven’t looked at another man other than my husband quite like that. He’s very exciting. In another world, maybe. Yeah, another time, another place. Dish the dish, bish! (all laugh) I might have a similar problem. Wait, you’re into Caleb too? Gross!
No! Gross, he’s filthy and disgusting!
No, not Caleb! Oh, who? Me?
No! Oh, it’s me! It’s your way of telling me! It’s Jester. Wait, what? I’m sorry, what? It’s just kinda, I don’t know, it’s just a crush, I just don’t know what to do with it. Wait, what? What? Three more rounds.
Three more each. If you fucking tell anybody– Of course I’m not gonna tell anyone. You know, look at this face. You tell everybody everything. (laughs) I’m cool! You are going to let it slip! No, of course not. I shouldn’t have told you. Wait, what about her? For me, it’s his rugged jawline, it’s his intellect. Are you talking about Caleb again?
Yes. It’s his I don’t care about the world, I don’t care how people look at me, I don’t care how I present myself. I like that. It’s sort of interesting and confident. What is it about her? She’s fun, she makes me laugh, I like her ridiculous plans. I think she’s complicated and layered. I don’t know. That’s cool. I’m not gonna act on it or anything. I wouldn’t have thought she’s your type. I don’t think she thinks that I’m her type. You’re not serious though about this, this is a crush, this is not a thing–
Yeah, of course! That you’re gonna actually pursue, right? Yeah!
Because I don’t know. Wow, but what if, she doesn’t know anything. Hey, have you noticed that she doesn’t know anything about herself? Like she doesn’t know who she is, she doesn’t know what she likes. I’ve had that fantasy. (laughs) She could be lost, she could be a sea right now, and you could be the anchor that brings her home. Flame in the darkness. Anchor brings you to the bottom, if I recall. Be the anchor that brings her to the bottom. What if she’s lost because she doesn’t know that you’re what she’s looking for. She thinks she likes Fjord. I can be her beacon. I need to stop saying these things. No, these aren’t any of these things. (mumbles) I didn’t even consider that as a possibility. It’s not a possibility. But maybe it is.
No. Don’t worry. I’ll do some work.
No! (all laugh) Something I can do here. Not confiding, this was an exercise in confiding. (Travis laughing) I see what you’re getting at. (all laugh) Got a dating sim mini-game, fuck yes. It’s very black and white, it’s just don’t tell the secrets. It’s not that I’m getting at anything, it’s just that this stays between you and me, this is our girl thing, okay?
Okay. Yeah? Chaos Crew? Chaos Crew. Link C’s. What is this, what’re you doing? I’m making a pact. Oh, CC, it happened! I did it. (all laugh) That was cool! Thank you, I invented it just now. Wow, that was good. Hey, but no matter what, we’re not letting this break up the three of us. No, absolutely not. Chaos Crew, ride or die. It’s not gonna change anything. No. Don’t let it change anything. It won’t. I will behave the same. You’re already not.
Cool as a cucumber. Oh my god, I do all three of the shots. (Matthew laughing) All right, I’ll walk back over. All right. You guys all bedding down for the night? (Taliesin laughing) Okay. What?
Nothing. I just fucking throw a coin at Nott. Oh, fuck, my ear! (all laughing) All right, are you guys planning to crash here tonight then? Yeah.
Okay. So, you all go to bedroom. We all go to bedroom. (all laugh) Sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your space for secrets. Huh? No, just don’t punch me in the face. I’m not gonna punch you in the face. I’m not that unaware. Mostly. So, there are five beds, so people have to either double up or get on the floor, but there are cushions everywhere, so you can make a makeshift bed on the floor. Just make a Perception check.
Oh, shit. Oh god, it’s not the assassin again. Please don’t be the assassin. Ooh. 20. 20. You have a sense that something is off, and you kind of come in the middle of the night, maybe, you have no idea what hour it is, but everyone else is dead asleep. (Liam sighs) Yes, Caleb?
I didn’t realize we were gonna stop, I was about to say, who’s taking first watch? Caleb’s already said, we’re never going to sleep without somebody awake– I took first watch.
You can take first watch. The dome is up in the room? Dome is worthless for this woman. Just wire. So, on your watch, you’re starting to kinda nod off a little bit. Just a little bit, and you kinda catch yourself, and you have this weird sense, and you kinda glance over, and at the curtains that are drawn at the balcony, where the steps kind of lead up, you see a figure kind of just looking in, and as soon as you straighten up, the figure (whooshes) kinda ducks around the side. Could I see what the figure looked like? From what you can see, it’s back in a back-lit, ’cause there’s no light really in the inside of the room you’re in, or much. Most of the light’s coming to the inside, so just the outline, just a bit of figure kind of peeking in, and they vanish around the corner. I hit everyone. No! There’s somebody there. Go and peek out the door. You peek out the door? You look out the edge, and you can see, walking towards the bar, the room itself is fairly empty except for the ogre bodyguard, but you see, briskly walking to the bar, the Gentleman. What, he was the one? You gather that he was probably the one who was looking in. Nevermind, nothing, go to sleep. Then I go chase him down. Okay. As you start descending the steps, he kinda looks up at you, and you see this, he puts a second glass of wine, or puts a glass up onto the counter, and he begins to pour it. I go sit down. Slides the glass over to you, takes his, not even looking at you, he’s just looking ahead, sitting next to you, takes a sip. How is she, Marion? Oh my god. So, you do know her. (sighs) Once. (sighs) Did you love her? Yeah. Looks over, and gives another shoo motion to the ogre, kinda like (grunts) leaves the room and heads into one of the back open archway and closes the door, so it’s just the two of you in the chamber, definitively. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you come back? Did you know that I was? I didn’t know about you until you showed up. And I couldn’t come back. Why? I was merchant sailor out of Feolinn. I was working with the Solvia family to ship along the coasts. I was young, I was impetuous, I was trying to make coin, and make a difference, whatever that meant, but I wasn’t wealthy by any means. But when I met Marion, I spent every copper I earned to see her, I had to see her. It wasn’t until she told me about her feelings that I found myself lacking to meet the standards of such a vibrant creature as her. I was nothing, I had nothing. So, I told myself I would find a fortune and come back, and I could prove, over all these other people, that I was worthy. (dramatic music) But our ship was attacked. And I was taken prisoner and dragged to Darktow. I’ve been there. Yeah, right. I managed to earn my freedom while I was there. Using the skills I didn’t know I had, the skills that I still to this day employ, a knack for speech and business, I earned quite a fortune while I was on that island. But the things I had to do changed who I am. I was a criminal. My name was merely a bounty now to most people on the coast, especially Nicodranas, and I cared too much for Marion to drag her into this underworld that I couldn’t escape from. So I never returned. I knew she’d be all right without me. She’s much stronger than I am. (dramatic music) But in my attempts to be worthy, I fell deeper than I ever was, and it wasn’t safe for her for me to come back. (dramatic music) In my growing influence, I began to draw the ire of the Plank King, and I knew it was time to leave, so just thinking north, I found this bed of thieves and kinda built this lawless empire now. It’s not really something to be proud of, I’m sure, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry. (dramatic music) She loves you. You should’ve trusted her. (dramatic music) I don’t know how you guys could make it work or anything, but I always thought growing up, I wish I could’ve known her before you, ’cause afterwards… She’s never loved anyone since. She’s told me stories about you, she said you were the most charming person in the entire world. (Matthew sighs) I’m not that person anymore. I don’t know. I think your charm got you pretty far. (sniffles) Why didn’t you just say yes? I sent you so many messages. You could’ve just said yes, I’m your dad, and oh man, Jester, I didn’t know about you, but man, I really want to hang out and get to know you. Jester, I’m not your father. Any man can have a child. Only someone who’s around to raise them well can call themselves a father. (dramatic music) But for whatever it counts, I see a lot of her in you. It’s the horns.
Well, that certainly helps. You’re bright, you’re clever, you’re funny, and you can do a lot of good. I’m glad that you haven’t fallen into the same traps I have. I kinda wanna protect you from the darker parts of the worlds where we’ve crossed. You want to protect me? Yeah. I’m gonna call you Dad. So, there’s that. He takes a big drink of his wine, puts it back down, kinda rubs his forehead, shakes off his hand. So, basically, you can’t smuggle people ever again. (Sam laughs) I’m okay with that. What should I tell Mama? What should I tell her? I don’t know if you should. (Laura sighs) Growing up, it’s just me and her, we told each other everything. I feel like, I don’t know. These last few months, I’ve just been keeping so much. You’re making a difference in this world, you’re making friends in places where no one is able to. Marion is… there’s no other like her out there. I know that, in this line of work, it’s only a matter of time until either I have to disappear entirely and get a knife in the gut, or I get thrown into a dungeon somewhere for the rest of my days. And what I consider the best bit of parenting, if you wanna call it that, or a show of my appreciation for the time that I had with her, is to not drag you both down with me. You understand that, right? Yeah. (dramatic music) You understand that that kills me, right? (dramatic music) It’s really easy to forget everything and be lost in the stupor of alcohol and drugs and women and men, and just be caught up in your own little game of kingpin. But when you walked in, all of that’s changed now. Wow. (dramatic music) Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if you decide to give all this up and Mama decides to leave the Lavish Chateau? She’s been thinking about stopping for a while now; she just doesn’t know what to do with herself. I think you should go back to Nicodranas, secretly, and sweep her off her feet, and the two of you could ride off into the sunset, take a ship somewhere, and just live happily ever after. It’s a nice dream, isn’t it? Yeah. It’s a nice dream. He finishes his drink, gets off of his stool, puts his hand on yours. Good night, Jester. Hey, Dad? Next time I’m in town, let’s play some Uno. Marquesian, interesting. (Sam laughs) Okay. And he turns around and takes a few steps, and stops. Takes a deep breath, and then keeps walking to his bedchamber. I stay there for like an hour, not really sipping my drink, just staring. Did you hear that? We found him. And I go back to bed. And that’s when we take our break. We’re all dead upstairs. (all laugh) Just completely slaughtered. Rolled some hit dice, and fucked us up. We could overhear your conversation end, like oh, how are you? (all laugh) All right, we’ll be back here in just a few minutes from our break, and it was a little late break there, but I lost track of the time. So, we have our Wyrmwood giveaway tonight. This is the Black Poisonwood Dice Vault for one lucky winner. Smells nice. The word tonight, the keyword is Surprise. (all laugh) Surprise, once and only once in the chatroom, more than once, you’ll be disqualified, and for the U.S. and Canada only, excluding Quebec ’cause of stupid laws, we will return shortly with the winner and the rest of the session. See you guys in a minute. Show me what you got! ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click, open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you got your swords ♪ ♪ And you’ve got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ What’s up, all you beautiful people? Happy November from all of us here at Critical Role. Now, you may be asking yourself, Travis, why are you so excited that it’s November? Well, that means it’s the end of October, which means that it’s the end of Halloween, and I don’t have to worry about anyone else trying to jump out and scare me. I need a break from all of that. But because it is November, we wanted to take this opportunity to announce that Critical Role is once again partnering with the amazing folks over at OSD. Now, if you guys don’t know what OSD is, they are an amazing charity that supports military service members and their families, whether they’re in active duty, or in civilian life, or even the transition in between, which is so important. Coming from a military family myself, I have been a fan of OSD for years. I’ve loved working with this, guys, and wanted to take a moment to congratulate them on officially supporting over a million-plus service members and their families. Guys, a million. That is the kinda love we need in this world. These people put so much on the line every day for us. We wanna give back in any way that we can, so all month long, charity push. The link is critrole.com/OSD. Again, that is critrole.com/OSD. Again, and as always, if you’re not able to financially support, spread the word, share the link, let people know. This is something that wanna do, we wanna give back to these people that do so much for us every single day. We hope we’re a part of the next million for OSD, and as always, thank you for your support and generosity. Happy November, happy Thanksgiving, bring on the non-spooky holidays. Love you guys. Last time on Talks Machina. Three, two, one, do it. That was good. Of course I flinched! Did you see what happened last time? Yes, but you can’t flinch! I’ve never practiced this ever in my entire life. Go, three, two, one. Oh! (all laugh) Oh, man. I almost, ooh, sorry, Laura. Caleb contrasted himself against Fjord and Caduceus this episode, holding them up as men of religion. Since he’s such a recent convert, how did being labeled this way sit with Fjord? Does he feel he deserves it yet, or still has much to learn before he can be in the same category as Caduceus? Great question, James Whitney. Probably not his real name. Yeah no, he does not feel like he has earned that yet, still very new to it. I don’t think he would be able to even convince anybody else to follow the ways of the Wild Mother. He’s still learning a lot from Caduceus and is still trying to figure out how this applies to him. Yeah, I think even in that moment. (ice clanging) Stop it. Sounds like a cowbell. Old Bessie is walking backstage. Sit down, girl! (woman laughs) Sorry, keep going. I had this conversation today, I was actually at recording session this morning, and one of the people that was recording me said they were a fan of Critical Role, and they were like, can I ask you a question, like a Talks Machina question? And I was like sure, they were like, what’s going on with Jester’s crush on Fjord? Is that still happening? I can answer that right now, and it’s kinda in the same vein. It was kind of this realization that she had a very childlike outlook on how all of that was going down, and her interactions with him were very immature, and she realized it, especially after everything that happened with Avantika and everything, and it kinda made her reevaluate how she would approach relationships moving forward, and the conversations with Beau of going, oh, this isn’t how actual relationships are. Maybe I have been jaded or blind to the world. Our winner for this week was sent in by Kinn @kinnvelier, photography by Klara Cu. I fucked this all up. What else is new? Let’s take a look. Oh, I love her! She’s so wonderful. I feel like we have met this person. Yeah, that’s what I mean, we’ve seen her at conventions. The wings are so good. This is a more intricate cosplay than I’ve ever seen. For both of you, what are your characters’ views on the Cerberus Assemby and Oremid Hass? Yep. What do you mean, yep? Do they trust that the info they gave? You can’t do that, Brian. Brian doesn’t like you. There’s two things you can’t do. Number one, ask the question for me, and number two, look in my camera. You can’t look in his camera. Don’t you fucking– Why? Is there something I’m not supposed to see on here? Don’t you know, he’s gonna be mad. (Laura laughs) Yeah, go ahead. Oh, he gave me his iPad. All the questions are right here. Oh yeah, here we go. Okay, finally. (sighs) For both of us.
Yes, more attractive, Brian Foster. Seriously, who gets stabbed when you’re checking out? That’s terrible. That looked cool. (Laura blows raspberry) What do you mean, it looked cool? I don’t know, I just saw my lip going.
Is that the first time you’ve ever done that? On camera, yeah. (blows raspberry) Thank you, Zach. Holy shit. It looks so stupid! Do it again, wait, Zach? Now I’m embarrassed. Okay, lower that octopus and do it once. Three, two, one. (blows raspberry) That looks like CGI. All right, my turn. (blows raspberry)
(laughs) What the fuck? Why is it doing that? (blows raspberry) (laughs) Holy shit! What the fuck? (Laura laughs) Ready, do it together. Do it at the same time. Get on the two-shot. One, two, three. (blows raspberry) (laughing) You guys, do you know every week, people think we’re so fucking high? (Travis laughs) Last time on Yee-Haw Game Ranch. You’re not Brian. What kinda black magic is this, where’s my friend? Where’s that fucking cat? Tina! Oh, shut your yap, you giant walking thumb! Woo! Who is that? It’s me, your old adventuring friend, Minnesota Jones! Oh hi, Minnesota Jones, how you been? Darling, you made it! Wait, you guys know each other? (Minnesota Jones laughing) Of course we know each other. Who doesn’t know the greatest realm-walker in the all the game-verse? The grand Titan of Ove, the mother of all critters, Miss Laura Give-Me-the-Fucking-Harps Bailey! The mother? Yeah, of course. I’m siphoning energy off the games soul that you’ve been charging, but it wasn’t enough to port us all. Looks like I only sent the thin-lipped freak through the astral tunnel. Your screams gave this baby a lot of juice last time, but now, we need something stronger than fear: true love, with him, or anyone you fancy. Whatever you need, Minnesota Jones. What’re we playing today? Overcooked 2! This game is known for bringing people together in harmony. It’s just, we need to get this baby cooking. Minnesota Jones just suggested that you should find love with maybe someone else. That’s crazy.
I’m-a track him down. He needs to pay.
Yeah, I need that glove. Here, have some sealant. Have some rice, bitches. Oh god, why are we so bad? I don’t know, it’s hard! Three orders failed, we only had four. (laughs) The three of the four were wrong? If we’re this bad at management. Our poor child. Hey, nothing’s caught fire yet. It’s ready! This is great. Oh, your fucking oil is on fire. We’re okay. Your fire extinguisher. Oh god, your whole kitchen! I got it! Go into the corner! Oh my god. (Travis screams) You gotta throw something in your mouth, but do it from out here. On the count of three. One, two, three. Did you get it?
No. I did. Ready?
Three. Did you get it?
No. I did. One, two, three. (gasps) You finally got one? I did, I never get ’em! That’s amazing!
Baby! I’m just gonna wash some dishes. I’m so sick of your shit. Look, I’ll take care of everything. Go! And then I’ll do this one. Yeah, put it out there. Order up, I got it! Oh my god! Oh, you son of a bitch. This is, oh! (upbeat music) Damn it! Fuck! I can’t grab anything, I wanna grab the damn fryer! Shit! What are you doing? (laughs) Where’s the damn, gimme the turkey nuggets! Order up! (laughs) I’m coming! (dramatic music) Wait, we reappeared! The gods are merciful. This is fucking terrible. Cheeto and carrot. Oh, a carrot? A Cheeto and a carrot? Isn’t that what they call carrots, candy corn? What are these called, they’re corn. (laughing) Oh, shit. (laughs) Oh no. (laughs) That is so weird! Oh, shit. We’re not gonna (gags) I choked! It’s not a carrot. (laughs) (Western music) (upbeat music) Hey, everyone. The insanely talented Will Friedle here. I’m excited to announce that I have a new late-night talk show coming to the Critical Role YouTube channel on Wednesdays called Mini Primetime. It’s brought to you by the same creators as that one show with the hippie kid with the bracelets, whatever that is. Anyway, my show, Mini Primetime, is a mini painting show for beginners and veterans alike, where this handsome face teaches the Critical Role cast how to paint their own Mighty Nein minis. We’re gonna be focusing on specific techniques, fades, small detail work, and taking your mini to the next level by adding your base. So, look for it soon on Critical Role’s YouTube. Critical Role, what is that? What is even a Critical Role? Oh, that’s right, that was the show with Kash. (upbeat music) (birds chirping) I’m a fan of hot air balloon rides above the Venetian countryside. I’m a fan of Momlan, she’s always got my back. I’m a fan of wine older than Taliesin. I’m a fan of Twitch subscriptions. I’m a fan of emotes by RS Queef. They’re neat. I’m a fan of a wife so cool people forget I exist. (spooky music) (bird cawing) (explosion bangs) (baby crying) I’m a fan of. (classical music) (dramatic music) (all laugh) Congratulations, Laura Bailey, you got me. Welcome back, everyone. So, we have the winner. The winner of the Wyrmwood giveaway is Think Not Think. Think Not Think. I don’t know how you’d say it with the emphasis, but congratulations, you won it, we’ll get that to you A.S.A.P. So. Oh, shit. Over the break, why didn’t we discuss what we’re doing? We had to eat peanut butter. What’re we doing? I don’t know.
I don’t know either. You wake up without issue. The sanctuary in the Gentleman’s lair seemingly went undisturbed, beyond your brief evening’s conversation. You wake up. Weirdly, because of your time in Xhorhas, used to not looking to sunlight to gauge morning, and subterranean sleep also presents a similar experience. But the day is yours, what would you like to do? One thing we can do is be proactive. There’s only a matter of time before this person comes for us again, so we go to them instead, and we try to bring back our friend. So, let’s start the day off correctly. We are going to look in on them, yeah? A little morning Scry? Are we going to join with Pumat to double our fun? Yeah, ’cause he can do it too. Yes. He probably totally survived the night. Oh gosh. From Gentleman’s to Pumat’s. We don’t go through the Tri-Spire, right? Gentleman’s to Pumat’s? No, but the Tri-Spire is visible. Did we ever get word on the family, on whether or not they were all right? Did they figure that out? So you go ahead and ask about that? About which family, your family? No, obviously not yet. The Stassmans?
Yeah, the Stassmans. Oh yeah, so, word comes back, and as you guys come to consciousness, Gentleman’s not up yet, but he does eventually join you as you’re kinda gathering your stuff. So, looking into this family, the Stassmans, apparently they were burgled about a few weeks back. Two members of the family were killed. I told you they were probably dead. You were right. So, that is concerning. Thankfully, most of the family seemed to survive, though some injured and recovering, so I didn’t lose a client. But for whatever information that helps. No, that does help, that sort of paints them as being innocent collectors of antiquities. I wouldn’t say they’re innocent. Well, more interested in the object (mumbles) than the actual use of them. That I would think would be a little more viable. So, should we head back to Pumat’s? Yes, I think so. All right. You guys make your way out of the Gentleman’s lair, up to the streets of Zadash, and the morning is yours, you make your way towards the Pentamarket. Is there any place you wanna stop on the way to Pentamarket, or just bee-line there? On the way out, we’ll check to see if there’s anyone waiting to see who exits this establishment. Perception check. Eyes open the whole fucking time. My eyes are closed. 18.
That’s just dumb, Caleb. You should really be looking. Nobody seems to be expecting or shifting once you arrive. The city is busy, and the presence of Crownsguard and Righteous Brand is a little more robust than the first time you had come to this city. Being a time of war, it seems like there is definitely an intent to magnify or focus a lot of that protective aspects to the larger cities, so Zadash being one of them, definitely has larger presence. But nobody seems to be paying you specific mind beyond just the occasional glances from passersby. Do we have criers crying? Immediately, no, but if you continue to travel, you can eventually begin to hear things like one town crier in the distance, you hear, shouting out, war front, positive successes in the east! Ashguard Garrison reclaimed for the Empire! Interesting note, there is actually a standard accent for all criers in every town. It’s true. They hire based on it. They all have a high bari-tenor voice. He raised it. And the crier picks to the west. Jessie, there’s no interest in going to the Pillow Trove to check it out or anything? You didn’t have any packages, did you have any packages coming? Well, Nott. Is that a no, or are you saying my name? I’m saying your name. Okay. We sent. What are you doing?
Just keep walking. We’re all walking, I think. Well yeah, but I wanna hang back a little bit. Are we walking to the Pillow Trove? Yeah, we talk about girl stuff. We’re having periods right now. Yeah, we’re both on it. I push the boys forward. Ooh, look at this, I don’t know what we’re going to, but come on. I’m getting swept up, I feel, okay. You guys admire the harvest-themed decorations throughout the city, the brown and red and golden tapestries, and you can see there are some decorations that show the recent Harvest’s… the Harvest’s Rise Festival was but a day, two days ago, I think, so there’s still decorations up, and there’s still elements of celebration around. We missed the Festival. Yeah, Neil Young played. Bummer. Anyway, conversation. So, remember the letter that we sent to Astrid? Of course I remember the letter that we sent to Astrid, yes. Well, we told her to send something back to the Pillow Trove. Send something back, is that what we did? She said, we told her we’d be staying at the Pillow Trove. I mean, it’s a hotel, we’re not gonna stay there forever. Should we check? Lemme send a message to the proprietor of the Pillow Trove.
Okay. Hello, it’s Jester Lavorre. Just wondering if we have any packages there for me, or Nott the Brave. What did we sign the letter? It was a legal firm. Yeah, Nott and Brave Legal. Lavorre? (laughs) It’s like a lawyer title, office. Madame Luenna responds, and says, it appears there is package present for a Nott and Brave, it is attention to Lavorre. You’ve got mail. Wait, is that good? No! I mean, not until we know what’s going on. Oh my god, we have to tell everybody what we did. An enemy sent us a love letter or something? I don’t know what they responded. Oh my god. People are complicated. She could be a murderer, but also have a flourishing pen pal love life. What did we say in the letter? I don’t remember!
I don’t either! I was very drunk at the time. Nott, you talked me into it, I don’t remember– We want to meet Astrid. You know what it was? We have the estate of your uncle, and we want to give you some sort of will, you were left something in a will. That’s the dumbest thing. Apparently, it worked. (laughs) What if the thing back is like– A human hand!
Yeah! Like, if it’s poison or something, something that will explode as soon as we open it. Could be. I’ve got my chant, and we’ll have Caduceus open it. How about you just check for traps? I can do that too. Always check for traps.
Always check for traps. I’ve died a lot lately. I know, how are you feeling about that? Real bad.
Yeah. Yeah, real bad. Okay. All right, how do we tell the others that we need to go there?
We should just tell them. You’ve sort of been yelling the last 20 seconds. Oh, hi guys! So, these periods. Cray, huh? Anyway, we have some intel, we have some intel we need to discuss with you. We might have to just make a quick little swing around the Pillow Trove. A hotel? Yeah. Remember, a while ago, I let you know that we had reached out to, oh boy, I can’t even remember her name, what was her name? It was something starts with– Asa something, I don’t– Astrid?
Oh yeah, you know what? It was Astrid. We reached out to Astrid. We told you about that, you know that. And apparently, she’s written back. Maybe. Or somebody else from the Academy. Interesting. Yeah so, the package is at the Pillow Trove. A package? Yeah, it’s a package. You reached out to Astrid– But this is when we thought that she was just somebody that Caleb loved and he wasn’t talking to her. We thought we were doing Caleb a favor. It turns out, we were contacting our enemy. But we didn’t know at the time. Right. How do you propose to go and collect this package? I’m sure she’s not keeping an eye on the Pillow, it’s been a long time, who knows how long this package has been here? Disguise Self! Just go in as somebody else. You could Disguise Self. I can.
And say you’re picking it up on behalf of the Nott and Brave. I should go. What are you talking about, Caleb? I should go, because I cannot be found. Oh! Caleb should go. You can also disguise yourself, correct? Yeah, I should disguise myself as you. Why me? Because it’s addressed to you. The package is for you and me. Oh, well, that’s true. Okay. Good money if it’s from the Cobalt Soul trying to sell you life insurance. That will give really good money if it’s just junk mail. It’s actually not a bad deal. Don’t open it though, because it could explode with poison. Yeah, just bring it back. The thought had already occurred to me. So yeah, let’s swing by The Pillow Trove on the way over to Pumat’s, yeah? Yeah. Did they say anything about the package, like anything specific, it’s not like ticking? Size?
What would tick? What’s a tick? When Jester does her messaging, she doesn’t get a lot of detail back, it’s just like a yes or no, and then stop looking at me, I’m pooping sort of a thing. I mean, that’s detail. Do we have that– Yeah, that’s like a request and an observation. That stone, that device? That you throw and dispel something? No. That projects sound. Yeah.
What does that do? We’ve used that once. Yeah, you can make a recording. I pull it out and go, Caleb doesn’t smell bad at all anymore, and then I put down. We have established that I am not able to– And 30 seconds later, you hear, Caleb doesn’t smell bad at all anymore. And I didn’t even say that just then. That came from the rock. I think he wants you to record something like, I’m Jester, I’m here for my package. I’m Teddy Ruxpin! (all laugh) Okay. Hold on, let’s group, think this one. Everybody, please, because we have established that I am not the best with accents, but it needs to be something that could repeat believably. You follow?
Belief-ably? So what, is it supposed to be like– My name is Jester Lavorre. I’m here to pick up a package. And then I’ll wait a little bit, and I’ll go, yeah. And then maybe like a thank you or something, like Ferris Bueller. Yeah, like Ferris Bueller. Okay, so I’m going to do that, I’m going to say, hello, my name is Jester Lavorre, I’m here to pick up a package for me. Oh I have the package right here, here you go. Oh, thank you so much. Will there be anything else? No, that will be all for today, thank you. Okay, bye! Mild problem. I do believe the stone probably picked up what you were saying, so maybe you should get a clean take? I was saying it very quietly. Yeah, I don’t remember what we did. We’ll say at this point you guys have approached the exterior of The Pillow Trove. Is anyone looking suspiciously at us, like they’re waiting for us, or does it feel like a trap? Continuing the roles that you guys have had for the whole journey here, it does not appear that anybody is doing that, from what you can tell. Let’s back it up a block or two, and maybe make the fragments of dialogue, speaking as someone who has adapted many anime scripts, keep the pieces succinct, so they can be repeated logically. Hello, my name is Jester Lavorre. I’m here to pick up a package. Thank you. Yes? Mm-hmm. Thank you. No, that will be all. Okay, bye. Mm-hmm. We will never remember that. She will remember that. So, you receive the stone. Yeah, and so, this works by giving it a little squeeze, right? Or does it just go? It goes. It just goes. And it repeats every 10 minutes. Oh, 10 minutes. That’s better. I’m gonna look, I think it’s every– I think it’s 10. I have mm-hmm, yes, mm-hmm, yes, and I lost it after that. There was also my name’s Jester Lavorre. I’m here to pick up a package, yeah. So, we have– If we ever wanna torture somebody, by the way– Five minutes.
There we go, okay. We could just record Nott’s scream into it. So down for this. Leave it in the diplomat’s bedroom. Really try to remember, just muffle– Do you need a backup? We could go ape-shit on this and have you record it into a phone, for the fun of it. It’d be pretty great.
I mean, I’m into that. Or she can live repeat it. Yeah, exactly. Okay, that will be great. All right, so, you transform into– Yeah, absolutely, I’m a little blue tiefling who likes pastries, and it’s every, what did we say, five or 10 minutes? Five minutes? So, I hold everyone out here for 15 minutes and I try my best to absorb it. Liam has no memory, I am never gonna be able to remember. Roll a Deception roll. And lip-sync. Oh, wait, I’m giving you a little bit of Guidance. And I’m going to, before going in, cast some Dunamancy, no I’m not. Oh, right. That’s okay, I’m going to cast Enhance Abilities on you. Are there ways around here? I mean, there’re not any tight alleyways. Actually, the Tri-Spire’s pretty open, because it’s one of the more affluent areas. There’s no super tight alleys. Okay, forget it. You got some Guidance. I’ve got some Guidance. You have about 30 seconds until it repeats itself. That’s not good. Add a D4. Still not good.
But you’re outside, you’re just practicing right now. Okay, and you said Deception, right? Yeah. Oh, I have a high Deception, I forgot. 16. Actually, Caleb’s not doing bad. After the second pass or so, he’s doing pretty well. See, Caleb, you’re doing great. All right, I think you’re ready. I’m going to, before he goes in, cast Enhance Ability on Charisma checks. Okay. And I’m tapping you with Guidance right before we send you on your way. Mother, come with me.
Guidance lasts for– One minute. Okay. You enter, and you find your way to the front area, and you can see, there’s a clerk there, who goes, hello, can I help you? Hello, my name is Jester Lavorre. I’m here to pick up a package. Oh, all right, I’ll go check for it for you. Thank you. Yes.
Hmm, what’s up? Can I help you? Thank you. Oh, all right. Is there anything else you need? Yes. Okay, what can I help you with? Mm-hmm. I didn’t get that. No. Okay, I’ll look for the package. Bye. (all laugh) Roll a Deception check. With advantage and a D4. (laughs) Okay, bye. Good stuff. 27. Okay. Shit. (Taliesin laughs) Pretty good. A few moments later, you’ve been waiting a good 13 minutes. So, it repeats a few times. Squeeze it to make it stop. Yeah. Eventually, she returns with a single envelope. Not so a package, more of an envelope, and goes, I believe this is for you. Looking up. Anything else you need? Very well. Have a good day. And sits back down. (all laugh) All right. You walk outside and join the rest of your compatriots. Everybody sees Jester’s form come out, and as soon as the door closes (sighs). Oh.
How’d you do? You got it! Hey, good job! Should we open it, check for traps. Oh, great idea. Maybe not right here in the thoroughfare, says the little blue tiefling. Hey, there’s two of you right now. But there’s two of me. This is what it always feels like. See? Fuck this.
Let’s go to an alley, we find an alley. So, you leave the Tri-Spires to find a hidden alley? We need to go as far away as possible. Let’s go to Pumat’s and then open it. Okay.
All right, you guys make your way to Pumat’s in the Pentamarket. The sign outside says closed still, so you approach the door (clicks tongue). We knock? Knock, knock, knock! Is it about, should it be open by now? Yeah, usually. Oh no. Do not kill Pumat Sol.
I will be so mad. I will kill you. I pull out the magical copper wire and say, hey, Pumat Prime, we, your friends, the Mighty Nein are here, are you possibly at home? (dramatic music) Yeah, just getting a few things together here. (all chattering) Nobody needs that! Fuck! Matthew Mercer. I’ll send one of the others down to get the door for ya. Eventually, the door opens up, one of the Pumats is there, goes, welcome and good mornin’, come on in. We were told to keep the place free of any other foot traffic, based on the intent of the day. Come on in. Still as Jester, I hope you don’t mind us imposing, is it all right if we come upstairs? We need a bit of privacy for a moment. We hate to impose. I haven’t heard the other one talk before. I know, right? Normally, she doesn’t. I’m learning. We could take tips from you. Great, come on in. So, you guys come in. The center tables were moved, and you can see there’s a space for Scrying already set in the center of the floor. Cool. You can see this beautiful crystal ball. The focus you use for your Scry is very pretty, but this is a very nice show model, if you will, set there, and you can see a Pumat is kind of in the process of setting things. All right, yeah, so, you’re alive, that’s good. Guess it means the thing’s not following you too far behind, right? Less than 24 hours. We’re hoping to elicit your aid to find our friend, but before we do that, we have a side task. Do you mind if I set up shop in the corner for a moment? I have to inspect some things. Sure, yeah. Nott the Brave.
Yes? Would you come over here with me? Yes. So, in a moment, I am going to see if there is anything of an arcane nature to worry about, but could you just check for your run-of-the-mill physical traps? I always check for traps. On the envelope. Why not? 29, plus a D4. Ooh. 33. Holy shit. That envelope is fucking not trapped. You are so sure. We’re all dead. Good to go. Okay, so, I turn my back to the Pumats and his setup, put the envelope down on the ground, pull out my spell book, open it up to the correct page, and spend the next 10 minutes ritual-casting Detect Magic on it, just in case. It’s a fucking letter. It’s fine.
You take 10 minutes, you finish, it is not magical. Rubber gloves. Burn it! What does it say? A YouTube unboxing of the letter. All right, let’s read it. The group sees a little flash. We have knife, by the way, if we wanna lock the front door, really lock it. Oh, good call. Although it can come through the floor. That’s true. So, my back is to the group, but I see a little (whooshes), and Frumpkin walks around and just sits behind me, staring at the group. And I will read this out loud, even though I’m just reading it in my head. To the attention of Mrs. Lavorre, Nott and Brave: I have received this letter on behalf of my elder mentors of the Soltryce Academy. This is a curious bit of fortune, it would seem. I have not spoken with my uncle for quite some time, and while I am sad to hear of his passing, I am also quite interested to hear about this inheritance and the circumstances surrounding his death. I can be reached at the 31st Woadstone Manor on the northeastern end of the Shimmer Ward of Rexxentrum in the Empire. I travel often, so should I not be present, present this letter to any present servants and stay within the visitor quarters as our guest. I will return within a day. Astrid. This is great! We have an invitation to Rexxentrum. He didn’t read it out loud. Yeah, that was just for the benefit of you all and the audience. What does it say? (Marisha laughs) Well, your ruse perhaps has worked, maybe. Really? Maybe. What does it say? My old friend has said that you could come to meet her at her home in Rexxentrum to explain an inheritance? Oh, yeah.
It was very clever. Yeah, we told her she got a lot of money and stuff. We can’t go there. Yes we can, if you have a letter inviting us, will give us safe passage. Yes, but there’s no inheritance. She doesn’t know that. We didn’t specify what. It could be a jade necklace. It could be, I pull out a hideous mask that I bought, it could be this, you don’t know. Oh, I forgot about that. Oh, god. Her uncle’s an asshole. I put the mask on. It’s all she got. He had a good life. Do I know the Shimmer Ward from Rexxentrum? You do, actually. It’s the central portion of the city. It’s deftly walled-in, surrounds Castle Ungebracht, which is where– Say that one more time. Actually, lemme find the map for you. Ungebracht?
You would have this. Castle, yeah, Ungebracht. I’m messing up the pronunciation. You’ve been to Rexxentrum, so you can have this. Okay. But the Shimmer Ward is central pentagon-like– Ungebracht.
Yep. The Shimmer Ward is also where the Candles are. The Candles are the towers of the Cerberus Assembly. Oh, that’s right. So, that would mean that she is well-off, doing well in the center of the city? Based on the letter, yeah. And that is nobility, government, Assembly, go ahead. You would know this. The address that’s given there is a manor that exists on the grounds of Trent Ikithon’s tower. So, I recognize the address? You do. In fact, you’re pretty sure all the handful of buildings that exist on that plot are all owned by Trent. He’s like a cult leader. Or a landlord. (ankle cracks) What the fuck? It was my ankle. (Marisha laughs) Yeah, you got two. My friends, just do me a favor and maybe don’t write anymore letters to my old school chums, okay? Not a problem. You meant well, I know. Thank you.
At the time, I just wanted to get you connected with people in your life. And she seemed so special. She was. Does it look like her handwriting? Yeah. Does it smell like perfume? No. Is there a do you like me, check this box sort of a thing? I don’t think that box is here. Well, that’s an option, though, if we get to Rexxentrum. So, Pumat. I think we are ready to look into our friend. Scry guy. All righty. Lemme just go ahead, I got that spell right here. We looking at your friend Yasha, right? The one who was pale face, kinda burly-looking badass, that one? Yeah.
All righty. Who wants to go first?
Not kidding about let’s use that knife. I’ll Scry on her first. Nott has it.
Nott? If you’re planning to Scry anybody else, I don’t know who they are. Okay. It’s the only person I know. Who else are we going to Scry on? Well, let’s see if Yasha works. The Inevitable End, you could Scry on them, because you saw them. All right. Ooh, yeah, should we do that first? I think we should do Yasha to begin. Yasha to begin?
Yes, to see what state she’s in. Done Yasha before. Inevitable End could be insanely hard to look in on. Hey, whatever works for you guys, I’m just happy to host. Start with Yasha. Maybe Pumat should do it then. I can throw in my fifth-level? Okay, sure. Whatever you prefer. I’m gonna throw Guidance at Pumat as well. Caleb walks up to watch and just plants his hand on Nott’s shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. Pumat, when you’re looking in on her. Yeah? Look at her eyes, okay? Just try to see how she’s feeling. And pay attention to her neck. And if Obann touches her at all. And if you see any lightning.
Jester, I think he’s going to be quite observant. Okay. Oh, it’s been noted in the old noggin. Okay. All righty. Pumats, gather ’round. (clears throat) Not to make you jealous. Well, they can’t do magic anymore, they only get spells once, so they’re just more my hands here. So, I’m the spell caster, they’re just my associates. They’re like, yeah, there are elements of missing it, I guess, but well, we’re just happy to help, and he seems to do most of the pulling. And everyone goes (laughs). Anyway, continue. Yeah, of course, no worries, all right. We make a mean a cappella group. Oh, I bet. Does not have a good tune. (all laugh) He concentrates on this large crystal sphere that has this gold-leaf lattice that curls up around it. It looks almost like a intricately carved geometric nest that kinda builds up around 2/3 of the actual sphere. As he focuses on it, eyes closed, the eyes open once more, and they’re just clouded over. You have a memory flash of when you first met Shakäste, with that snow-blind look. Shakäste. Quietly focuses.
Don’t. Focus for a bit and starts talking aloud. I need to make her safe. (dramatic music) All right, she’s… She’s walking. She’s walking, she’s got some companions around, they’re all kinda cloaked right now. It’s a bit of rainfall. Where are they? Up in a mist town, there’s… That’s a big cell. They’re walking up to Rexxentrum (Laura gasps) They’re in Rexxentrum? Trying to get a look at her eyes. They’re focused. Is her neck glowing? Guidance. I can’t see, unfortunately. Cloak’s kinda blocking it all. Ah. Sorry, there’s a big one with ’em. Does the big one look weak? I don’t know. I can’t get a good look at it, I’m focused on Yasha. It’s big, though. I wonder what would happen if I Scried at the same time on the Laughing Hand, how weird would that be? I’m going to do it. That’d be pretty weird. The Inevitable End or the Laughing Hand? Which one? (all laugh) Inevitable End. I’m gonna Scry on the Inevitable End, I guess. Okay. Hail Laughing Hand Inevitable End! (mumbles) Yeah, we know where Laughing Hand is. Obann and the Laughing Hand man with a plan. (mumbles) 10 minutes. So, yours will end by the time, or his will end by the time yours does. He’s like, all right, they’re approaching the outer gates. Oh, it’s raining hard. Maybe I shouldn’t do it then. There’s a guard questioning them. Oh no, they’re gonna kill that guard. All right, now the guard lets ’em in. Oh, ’cause he manipulated the guard, he can charm people. All right, now they’re under in the city. I haven’t been to Rexxentrum in a while, it’s real big. Do you see a woman with red hair and dark elf-looking features? Do you see the Inevitable End? It’s always so much radius around. Yasha has a fourth trailing ’em. Oh god, it’s her. Yeah. (laughs) Well at least you know she’s not going to attack us here. I’m getting a little nervous. And he blinks his eyes. Sorry, kinda crept up on me there, it was getting a little uncomfortable, after what happened yesterday.
Were they talking at all? No, they were pretty quiet. Just making their way up.
Rexxentrum. What are they going after in Rexxentrum? Maybe they’re reporting back to their bosses? At the? Soltryce Academy? Cerberus Assembly? That’s pretty much all of them. I mean, that was kind of what we were looking for in one try, it was excellent job describing it, by the way, well done. Of course, yeah. Is it just like a small cult then, is it just the four of them? They’re really powerful. Who knows, what if they’re leading a whole cult meeting right now? What if the Soltryce Academy is the Angel of Irons?
Maybe I should try Scrying on Vence? See if he’s in Rexxentrum too? Well, when we last spoke with Oremid Hass, he said that Vence is in Rexxentrum, on a mission for Ludinus. Lununess. Bioluminescence. Evanescence.
Yeah, do it. Like Ludacris. Okay, we should get ready to go to the Cobalt Soul and bamf over to Rexxentrum. We need to be at the Cobalt Soul to get there, or can we do it from anywhere? Oh right, we bamf into the Cobalt Soul. Yeah.
Okay, I’m gonna Scry. We can send a message. I’m gonna Scry on Vence. On Vence? No, on Ludinus, no, Vence? Vence, ’cause Ludinus will block it. Yeah, he’s too powerful.
I would try it. Yeah? Maybe and see if he’s meeting up with them or something? I should give it five minutes and then see if maybe he’s on the move too. Just out of curiosity, we know now that, would Trent Ikithon be someone that we wanna Scry on?
No, he would block it. I would give it maybe, Jester, maybe give it an hour to let them get together. Vess DeRogna? They’re all gonna be able to block it, they all have this thing that Caleb has. But Vence won’t? Caleb, do you remember the approximate time that it would take to walk from the gates? Of course I do, it would be about– At a casual pace, it would take… To where? To which part in the city? To wherever Vence, King Dwendal, wherever– Gotcha. That size, density, recently after a Festival, I’d say probably… at most, an hour. So I should wait like 30 minutes and do it. Maybe we should go there now. Yeah, I was saying we’re not trying to get there now? We should get there now. Have you been preparing a Scry during this time? I was, but then when you said that it would be ended, I was like, oh, nevermind. The fun of it was to be Scrying at the same time. Right. So, you’re not Scrying on Vence? No.
Not this second, because they’re not, our chances of landing on them with your eyes at the right moment are slim, but if we do it right now, they have just walked into the city. He’s not waiting for them there, so maybe give them some time to wind their way in and get where they’re going? Maybe we should get over to– Cobalt Soul?
Yeah, we should band there and then I’ll Scry. Pass the time on the way to the Soul, and then we could get there, and you can Scry. Oh god. What? Can’t Scry from the Soul? No, I’m just nervous about going home. Oh. Sure. I think we know where they are though, we should take advantage of this, yes? I trust you guys. Why don’t we head back? This is the first time we’ve been ahead of them. Running in again. That’s what I was about to say. Before we do this, why don’t we head back to the Soul, I can check in with Zeenoth, then we can check in with Kathedoc over at the Rexxentrum Ranch, and maybe get a little bit of backup. Let Dairon know we’re going to go there. She can help. Maybe change our clothes out of these Xhorhasian clothes? We’ve already changed. Oh, great.
You do also know that you can use the teleportation circles at the Cobalt Soul, and not cost a spell slot. Ooh! Let’s do that. And we can let everybody who needs to know where we’re going, ’cause we have a lot of people now. We gotta let everybody know what’s about to happen. We’re trusting in allies. Yeah, we should let Oremid know. Great.
The Tal’Dorei Council. Pumat, thank you, it’s been a hell of a two days. I’m afraid we’re going to take our leave now. All right, no worries. All right, guys, close up the shop. He reaches over and grabs a bag from behind the counter. Where you going?
Are you coming with us? Well, I figure you probably needed some help if you’re doing stuff real bad. (Travis laughing) Yes!
Road trip with Pumat! Absolutely.
Should I not? Pumat, oh my gosh, come with us, oh my gosh! Are you coming, or are all of you? No, they’re not much help in any of this (laughs). I need them to continue to run the shop, I still gotta make my money. Yeah, they know, besides. Respectfully, that is very generous of you. Well, this is some real dangerous dung you’ve stepped in, right? This is gonna affect all this bit.
Sign this waiver right here, if you would.
Yeah, we’re not liable. Anything. Not a fan of signing paperwork I haven’t had a chance to thoroughly read, respectfully. Understandably.
Smart. Yeah, let’s go! All right. (sighs) This is big. Oh man, Pumat’s coming with us, oh my god! Hey, before we leave his place, was I able to retrieve my little Bola thing, or was it destroyed on impact? No, you can go ahead and retrieve it. Okay, great.
Yeah. There’s one that you said that was kinda fucked up to begin with. Was that the one you fired? I don’t know. You said that one is probably less reliable than the other. Yeah, no, the one that you fired was the most viable one, and that one is busted. So, I have one left.
So, you have one left. But you were sure that one is probably pretty functional. Great. All right. So, you guys make your way– Should I send a message to Oremid Hass on the way and let him know what’s going on? I have no input on that, ’cause I wasn’t there. I mean, he should know, right? He was concerned. And we should let Allura know, too. They’re in Rexxentrum. And the Tal’Dorei Council, yes. We have the seal from the Cerberus Assembly. We’ll also see how much the Cobalt Soul can do for us. They can probably take care of spreading the word. Good idea, so I don’t use up all my spells, okay, ’cause we might be fighting or something. Oh man. Okay, let’s go. Let’s do it.
To the Soul! You guys make your way to the Valley Archive. No issue entering with the recently anointed expositor. The chambers are yours, what would you like to do? I’ll look for Zeenoth. Mm-kay. You do, takes a moment, but you find him.
And Dairon? Dairon is not present, but Zeenoth is around. He’s looking pretty healed at this point. It’s just a little bit of a slight limp. And he goes, hello, can I help you? Zeenoth, how you doing? All right. Pleasure to see you as well, Expositor. And the rest of you? You’re looking fit. Pumat, I wasn’t expecting to see you. Yeah, I just needed a vacation to just go and relax and have some totally not dangerous times with my favorite customers. Oh, what a friend. Right. Kinda what he’s talking about is what I’m here for. We gotta get to Rexxentrum. Oh, we’ll get you, right this way. Obann and the other four are there, and they’re on the move. That’s not good. Yeah. Well, let’s get you there right away then. Can you get a message to Oremid Hass and tell him what we just told you? Certainly, yes, I can have that arranged, yes. It’s super important. Oh, and maybe Lady Allura if possible as well. I should send a message to her directly. I’ll do that. I know that the Cobalt Soul’s often isolated from these other type of institutions, but I think, in this moment, we need to cooperate with the Cerberus Assembly to try and handle this. Wouldn’t be the first time. All right, I’ll prepare the folks here, and if you’re heading to Rexxentrum, just go ahead and let them know the same. Will you let Kathedoc know I’m coming? I kinda pissed him off last time. That can be done. And look for Archivist Kathedoc, they would be the ones who handles the arrival. Same guys. Thinking was same dude. Kathedoc?
Right. Have them, if possible, introduce you to the High, what is it? The High Curator, Udilla Fonn, and you’ve never met Udilla, but you’ve heard of it. Udilla Fonn is the High Curator of the Cobalt Soul. Outside of the one that’s in Vasselheim, which is the only equal level, they are both the dual-leadership over the entire structure of the Cobalt Soul. Okay. So, like Yeezus. Sure. Got it. Yeezus. He guides you down to the subterranean teleportation nexus chamber, and the same Rexxentrum entryway that you guys had previously brought your horses through, lies available and at your disposal. (laughs) Looks so beautiful without horse plops everywhere. Yes, take quite a bit to get that stain out of the marble, but that’s all right. Good luck. Be safe. Thank you. Turns around. Let’s go! Yeah. I take a step forward, plant one hand on Beauregard’s shoulder, and use the other hand to start to weave the air around me, and (whooshes) here we go. As you guys step into the circle that sits at the end of that hallway, you all (whooshes) vanish through, arriving on the other end. It’s getting real. You step through the other familiar chamber on the opposite end. The interior of the nexus, the teleportation nexus, all the doors closed around you still, and that staircase that leads into that upper floor. There is, within the room, a single armed warrior of the Cobalt Soul, adorned in full armor, who notices your arrival, spins, and goes, Kryn! Oh, no. I’m Expositor Beauregard, here from Zadash. That’s right, my apologies. And you hear some footfalls coming down, a couple other soldiers arrive, and the familiar half-orc person, Archivist Kathedoc comes, the white hair, goes, who’s just arrived? Is this, are you here to help? Yeah, what’s happened? Has something already happened? It appears that some form of Kryn assaulted certain parts of the city in the past 10 minutes. What? Shit, it’s happening now. It’s not what you think it is. Or it is. Or maybe it is. Where? How large are the forces? We’re still ascertaining the amount, it’s only been recently happening. We just found out ourselves and began to arm up. Are they assassins, or does it sound like? Appears they are riding on Purple Wyrmback. That’s Kryn. Where is this happening? Come. Comes to the top there. Leads you to the top area in the exterior, and you can now, first off, seeing the interior of this library, you guys were impressed by the Valley Archive, but here, within the Rexxentrum Archive of the Cobalt Soul, this library is easily 50% larger or more, and there are multiple floors, and you can see from the interior, probably four full 15-foot high tiers of libraries that just expand from level to level, with all sorts of little pocket chambers and walkways that connect between them. On the inside, there are people that were doing research, but are starting to put books away, and kind of usher from the word that’s spreading of this immediate chaos that’s breaking within the town. You’re drooling. Just a little, you got, yeah. I don’t know if I can do this. Kathedoc leads you outside into the middle of what is the Tangles, which is one of the regions of Rexxentrum. You immediately can see the beautiful cerulean building you stepped out of, marked be four short multi-level domed towers of polished blue stone. You saw ’em from the inside, and the elements of some sun that was poking through from the outside. It’s this beautiful kind of, it would look almost like a futuristic Sim City building if it wasn’t just a polished piece of stone and glass. You step out into the Court of Colors, which is this region of the Tangles. It’s on the western edge of the region. You can see harvest-themed banners around you, the decor line of bright red, brown, cobblestone streets that curve into crowded cross-streets lined with carts and social spots. Some of the local businesses appear to be closing quickly. Others are already deserting it and starting to go into their respective homes. You can see Crownsguards starting to usher folks around, but you don’t see any signs of any attacks. Can we get high? Maybe. Hey, you got this. You can do this. (dramatic music) We need you. We need you to do this. Yeah, good. Can you take us to a point of elevation, somewhere we can see more clearly across the city? Perhaps, I’ll come up this way. And he leads you guys up another spiral staircase that goes to a little parapet that overlooks from the second to tallest tower. And you can see the expanse of Rexxentrum. For those of you who have never visited, which is pretty much all of you but Caleb, I believe, it is a sprawling metropolis of multitudes of towers and chimneys of all heights and sizes, many of which almost seem to have this ominous lean-in type feel that crowd around the immediate space you’re in, and just continue on in all directions. You can see the roll of the hills that the city was built upon. You can see the rising wall that surrounds the Shimmer Ward. You can see little plumes of smoke, and you can see people in the streets, some still going about their business unaware. You can make a Perception check if you’d like. Two people can make it.
Chimney stacks? Yeah, you can do it. Advantage. So, you’re aiding– Guidance.
Oh, thank you. Where’s my D4? Oh, wow. How is that even possible?
What is it? Double ones? Doub-ones.
From you? You guys, glancing around up here. 13, technically, but double ones– No, but it’s ones. I’m distracted, apparently.
So, you guys looking around, ’cause partially, you’ve never seen something this large in your life. You grew up in a small grove in a dark forest. This is awe-inspiring and terrifying in equal parts, and so much bigger than you want. You wouldn’t even know what a plume of smoke would be. This is the antithesis of how you were raised, and you find yourself immediately lost and a little strangely claustrophobic in how big it is and how lost you feel in the center of it. All of you looking around and trying to take it in, you have no idea, nor do you see any signs in the immediate vicinity of any conflict. And it’s not like everyone’s rushing for battle, they’re just like, war’s starting to spread, and people are starting to hunker down and be defensive, and that’s kind of where it stands. Who’s leading us through this, Kathedoc still? Kathedoc, who’s just like, this is all the work of God.
Do you see anything? Nothing yet, no, we’re just trying to be careful and be ready in case anything happens. Edge of the city, was there an incursion within the city? We didn’t get anything beyond just the knowledge that apparently, there was– Where did this knowledge come from? I’m kneeling down–
I received a message. Setting up my Scrying circle. You were sent a message from whom? From one of the various interconnected messengers of the local Crownsguards. They have a few individuals that, in emergency circumstances, would send out to–
It’s the Laughing Hand, I think this is Yasha, I think this is Obann. Okay. She’s gonna Scry. Who are you Scrying on?
Yasha again. Yasha again? Okay. While she’s doing that, I’m going to just go and sort of stroke Caleb’s hair and say, it’s okay, you gotta calm down, buddy. Yasha has a really low Wisdom. 16? 17! Okay. That’s why I Scried on Yasha. (laughs) Okay. As you sit there and focus for a bit, and you’re all kind of nervous, you’re looking around, and occasionally, you can see, off in the distance, a little bit of activity, and hear some shouts, but they’re echoing around, and it’s too much and not enough. The city is so big that it’s like looking over the entire valley of Los Angeles and trying to pick out where a fistfight is. Mary Poppins. Yeah. Are we hearing cries? You’re hearing conversation, you’re hearing yells, but a lot of it is just general social din and people that seem to be hearing rumors, or worried but not quite know what’s going on. Just thousands of voices. Yeah, it’s chaos, as far as a social environment in an urban sprawl. Yasha, as you focus in, is walking through the city still. You see her walking intently, and on the peripheral, where the edges of the immediate glance of your Scry fuzzes, you can see the figures, described previously by Pumat, following along. Look for landmarks.
No violence. People just walking by, some people giving strange looks as they go, but they seem to be going about their business or rushing past. A few Crownsguard go charging by, you hear some shouts, but it’s all muffled and can’t really make it up, as the focus is on this particular individual, on Yasha. They’re bee-lining somewhere. Do I see any landmarks, any tall building, like spires, or shop signs that she’s passing by? Make a Perception check. Come on. Guidance. Just do better than me. Better than me. 21. 21? You can make out the cobblestone street a little bit, you can make out shapes.
What color is it? It’s like a dull brown. Dull brown cobblestones. Not much beyond that, unfortunately. The Scry is limited, and you didn’t quite roll high enough to make out anything beyond just the shapes on the exterior of the street and people rushing past. But they haven’t started attacking at all? That’s not her.
You see no violence. You don’t know where they’re heading. Might be a distraction. Yeah, it’s possible. So, you could either, someone could turn into an eagle and do some swoops around the city, or you could Scry on Vence first. Her neck, is it totally lit up? With that Perception check, her hood is still up, so you can’t really tell, but just looking at her face, you can see that she has that same kind of intense, conflicted look, the brow is furrowed. And while she’s walking with absolute purpose, Terminator-walking through the street, there is an expression that looks kind of sorrowful and regretful. The Laughing Hand, does he seem like he’s walking weird or weak or anything? He is walking alongside, from what you can make out, nearby, like three feet from her. You can just make out the shape and the movement. Each step, from your memory, it walks with the same gait, though the weight behind it seems to be a little bit off-kilter. Okay. (dramatic music) Yeah, I can’t see anything around her, it’s just buildings, it’s just shapes. But they’re not where the fighting is. So, we see the city, we see the sprawl, but we don’t see any attacks? Do we see the edges of the walls around the city? From this perspective, no. It’s too far, and the walls are about as tall as the sprawl is on the edges. It doesn’t loom over so high. Some of the buildings in there are pretty tall, and from this distance, and with the terrible Perception roll that kind of represented the group’s Perception check, it’s real hard to make out much anything, especially with the rainfall that’s now hitting the city, it’s dampening some of the long-distance visual range. We should go where, what? He wants to scan the city. Come with me. Yes. (whooshes) Giant eagle. Okay. (whooshes) Pull Nott up into the air. All right. (whooshes) I wanna try to ring the city. You begin to see, at this point, as you go up into the sky, through the rain, and some of the Perception comes in, there are griffin riders in the sky, which are some of the military defense of the capital, specifically, but a lot of the northern area. And the minute you head up into that area, three of them turn immediately to this gargantuan eagle that has suddenly taken to the skies, unapproved, unnoticed, in the middle of what seems to be some sort of a threat or danger, and they all bee-line right towards you. In the moment that I’m elevated, and we’re here, do we see anything in that second that we are here that we did not see before? Make a Perception check with disadvantage. Both of us. This is not gonna work for me. However, I think you get advantage as an eagle. As an eagle with sight. Right, so it’s just a single roll then. Oh, could’ve been better. Where’d my giant eagle go? Where my giant eagle at? It’s just a nine. 14 for me. In being distracted by seeing these griffin riders come at you, the rain that’s pouring down, that’s kinda limiting your vision already, the low fog begins to come up from the streets. When the temperature meets with the general heat of the populace, especially when they’re crowded in certain spaces, you can’t make out anything. Okay, and where are we, in that split second? Where are we in relation to where we were on the ledge with our friends? You are, at this point, I’d say about 100 to 150 feet above them and to the east, which puts you a little more into the city, which is when you were trying to get a view, you probably would’ve leaned further in there. Okay, seeing those things encroach, I just drop it, turn back into Caleb, and I start to plummet, and I let us plummet for a while, and then eventually cast Feather Fall. Okay. They’re still giving chase.
That’s fine. You fall faster than they fly. Or pretty equal as they go into a dive, but you’re falling. And you Feather Fall at the last minute, they pull up and then head over. One of them stops in a nearby roof, the griffin, coming to a halt, perching over there. (screeches) Looking over in the direction where you guys had fallen. The soldier on top kind of looking down and trying to see where you guys had fallen while the other two kind of veer off, possibly in pursuit of other dangers. Are we ground-level now? You guys are now ground-level. Are we within sight of them? Or just off somewhere? You guys have fallen within the city roof lines, so you guys have no sight on them. You watch them (whooshes) and then just vanish into the city. Try to message the others, and I just raise my hands up into the sky to show that I’m not doing anything, and wait. All right. Most people kind of scatter with the griffin landing on the roof. The griffin then swoops down (whooshes) and lands on the cobblestone center of the street next to you, heavy impact, and the guard immediately says, who are you, what’s your business? As it was coming, I disguised myself as a halfling. Okay. And I try to subtly step in front of Nott at the same time. We are here from Zadash. We got word that there is trouble in the city. I am a citizen of Rexxentrum, and I have come to do my part. Roll a Persuasion check. Come on, Cay. Come on, Cay-Cay. Six. Ooh! He steps off of the griffin and approaches, pulling the blade from the side, and kinda looking at you. Well, then you have to come with me and explain this to the captain’s guard. Of course. Come. Lead the way. Is it just one guard? Just one guard. Okay, fuck. (Travis and Liam laugh) Well, this is gonna go well. It’s not gonna go well at all. Where are the other riders, they’re up in the air? They’re up in the air. You caught the eye of a handful, and one of them pursued. You don’t seem as much of an immediate danger, more of a person of interest and a concern. What are you doing, Nott? Gotta get outta here. Is he on foot? Yeah.
Okay. The griffin’s like there, maybe 10 feet from him currently. I’ll cast Phantasmal Force on him. Okay. (Travis sighs) That would be a 12. Okay, so it works. And I will make him think that his griffin is starting to get loose and run away. Okay, and he goes, wait, no! Jamaal, what do you? (all laugh) And the griffin’s like (grunts). And is following him as he’s shouting and making calls. (clicking) Jamaal, stay put, I’ll be right back. Of course, I’m here to do my part. As soon as his back turns, I cast Fly on the both of us, with a Raven’s Feather. Okay. (whooshes) You both–
Jet. Jet. And while this is happening, what are you guys doing? Building tops. Just staring out, like what the fuck just happened? (all laugh) They flew, and then we saw them just plummet, right? Can anyone see, can you see him? What? We still need to know where this is happening. Does someone else wanna try? You got a Pumat, you can use a Pumat! Going out there, I don’t know, he’s like a regular-ass bird or something. I mean, I could try, sure, I’m gonna Polymorph myself. Into what? A sparrow. What are you looking for? Visibly, it’s pretty bad, but it’s possible. Did they see any of these griffin riders? Once they went after Caleb, yeah. Okay. Why don’t we be clever about this? Let’s figure out where they could possibly be heading. Let’s see if we can cut them off. I’ve got Locate Creature. I mean, they plummeted and ran over there. They’re not that far. I love your concern. Pumat’s like, anything I can do? Can you Polymorph? Nah, I didn’t prepare that one, I’m sorry. No, it’s okay. I can still Scry. Do you want me to look after that Yasha friend? Maybe in like a minute. Let’s see if we can figure out where they’re going in a second, see if we can get some idea of what they’re heading towards. You said you knew a cultist, right? Yeah. Well, where would you put a cult in this town? Have you ever been to Rexxentrum? Ooh, it’s been a long time ago. Like five years.
Am I a sparrow right now? Have you committed to your Polymorph? Well, I said I did it, so it seems– Well, I’m just ensuring. You seemed uncertain. Well, I am.
Okay. (all laugh) All right.
Only because I am. Maybe if we figure out where they could, I mean, we’ve got some leads on maybe where a cult might be. Wait, do we?
Oh, what? If you know cultists. Where would that be? Where would you find a compound in this city? We were just talking, no we weren’t, nevermind. Fuck, I don’t know any of that shit. We’re supposed to look for the High Curator. By which point, Archivist Kathedoc, he goes, the High Curator is currently out meeting with the Crown’s Council before these attacks seemingly began. Sorry, he’s not around, but will probably be back in the next hour or two.
Wait, what? The Crown’s Council? The Crown’s Council. Who’s that? It’s all of the individuals are under King that– All of the important people in the city are conveniently meeting right now during this attack, is that what you’re telling me? They’re there most of the time to have conversations. What?
Where’s the Council? Yeah. Where’s the Castle? I’d say, kind of points over there. We should go there. She’s a noncommittal sparrow. I didn’t commit. Okay, so you didn’t commit. Let’s head to that castle then. Castle Ungebracht? Where’s Caleb? You are back. No, we’re not.
No, they’re still gone. We’re flying around.
Yeah, they’re flying around. Can you see anything?
Before we go blindly into anywheres, is there any indication? Where they’re heading, where the cult would meet? Yeah. Okay, hang on, lemme think about this.
Is there anybody else, any place else, anything connected to these guys? I mean, there’s Vence. There’s Vence, we should do that. I pore through my notes, I’m actually poring through my notes, but then Beau pores through her notes. All right, so you’re going through your notes. Do I remember anything? Make an intelligence check. There’s Candles, there’s Castle Ungebracht, there’s Astrid’s house. Fuck!
There’s the Court of Colors. We’re fucking garbage today. We’re garbage people.
Sorry. Seven. Not quite–
Jesus, guys! Clicking anything in the notes. I feel like we should know something. I know. Here’s all we got. Astrid’s house, Shimmer Ward, Castle Ungebracht, Candles, Tangles, Court of Colors, Crown’s Council. That’s all we got. (laughs) Gonna Scry on Vence? I’m gonna Scry on Vence! Gonna Scry on Vence, okay. I’m committing to that one. ♪ Noncommittal sparrow ♪ (all laugh) I mean, I like you.
One of my arms is a teeny-tiny sparrow wing, and that’s it, just ’cause I could fully. You got a wing hand? All right, as the rain is pouring down and soaking all of you out here on the top of the terrace, you begin to prepare the Scry ritual. It takes 10 minutes to do so. You guys fly over (whooshes), and land perched back on, as you can see Jester rapidly preparing for this ritual. At this point, you do hear, partway through your preparation, about seven or eight minutes into it, you hear some shouts and what seems like some sort of distant muffled explosion to the north of where you currently are. We got a lead! We’re talking about the sound, is it at the walls of the city? It seems within the city. We don’t see any smoke or anything? No smoke.
Is there anything we can do to move through the city without being caught up by the security of the city itself? Well, the air is not good. (dramatic music) I mean, it’s not a coincidence that they are here and this is happening.
I don’t believe so. Something just exploded in that direction. We need to go there, let’s run through the city. Let Jester look, and then we head. The rain is frustratingly starting to bleed elements of the ritual, and then you feel the rain suddenly stop, and you glance up above you, and you see this green cloak protecting the rainfall from messing your ritual. You get through the final moments of preparation, you place the focus down on the center, and with that, the cloak wraps around you, and your vision goes dark for a second. You’re focusing on Vence. You come to a dry place, a place of light. You see colors. And you see Vence clutching a satchel under his arm. He’s got something!
He’s taking steps, and each step kind of echoes across a hard floor, an open space. (clicking) It feels like a very large, enclosed area. Big, fancy area. It’s a beautiful cathedral, with candelabras flickering, massive stained glass walls on the sides in the distance. A brightly adorned priest walks by hurriedly and nods. There’s a priest, he nodded. Vence walks into the center of the room, behind the central altar, where you can see an older woman in elaborate red, gold, and white robes, her gray hair pulled up tightly behind her head. Old woman, red, gold, and white robes. Vince approaches and goes, Angel’s Eye, Cardinal Respa. Cardinal Respa, Angel’s Eye, he’s an Angel’s Eye. She returns the smile. Angel’s Eye, young Vence. Has the children had luck with the secret texts? They’re talking about secret texts. He hands her two scrolls. He’s got scrolls, he gave her scrolls! Taken from the vaults of Vasselheim, these should reveal the fane below and the path to it. The regents will be on us in time, but not before our work has already begun. Very good. That sounds like the diversions are already in place. Oh god, they’re talking about diversions! The seed of word has been planted. Coming off the Harvest’s Rise Festival, our link in Xhorhas says the assaults are now. He hands the satchel to the woman, with the rest of the scrolls, and you can see, with the scrolls, there’s something else in there, some sort of familiarly shaped device. No, he’s got the beacon! No, it’s more of a silvery disc. Oh, he’s got a deportal! He says, (knocks) he goes, hide this within the cellar. Prepare the fane for their arrival. Greet him and his family. They should arrive very soon. Of course. And she will remember this, and so shall I, young Vence. Thank you, Cardinal. Her eyes immediately train onto you. Me? You sniveling worm, you walk on sheets by Distant Eyes, and he goes, no, I didn’t mean! And (exhales), the ritual ends. She saw that I was Scrying, holy shit! Oh my god, that was so crazy!
From everything that she was muttering, does that spark any memory, the location, the church, the colors? There are a number of temples throughout this city. What about the colors, red and gold? Yeah, red and gold, who does that religion follow? In Rexxentrum, those color schemes tend to fall deeply into the worship of Pelor, the Dawnfather, and the largest temple to the Dawnfather in this city is known as Chantry of the Dawn. You know this to reside to the southern edge of the Shimmer Ward, within the Tangles. You’ve passed it once or twice. Are we going there?
We gotta go now, or else! The explosion or to the temple? To the temple. It’s a diversion.
They’re gonna try to open a portal up and bring– A fane? I don’t even know what that is. She’s a machine? The fane of the devices, it’s the things that– Yeah, bringing something across. We gotta go break it.
We gotta go. Stop talking, run, double-time! Who’s with us? I will lead them, I will point and lead towards the temple. And before we leave, I turn around to Kad, fucking what’s his name, what was his name? The guy, we were just talking to, the half-orc guy. Kathedoc? Yeah, Kathedoc. Catheter, yes. I don’t know where we’re going, and I say, you need to check in with the headmaster, the Head Curator. I don’t think she’s safe; I would send over a team over there. All right, I will ensure this is taken care of. This is a diversion. There’s bigger shit happening here. Do you want any backup sent to where we’re going? Do you have backup to spare? I can probably bring a few soldiers to meet you in that direction, yes. Have them meet us at the Chantry of the Dawn. Very well.
(pen clatters) I dropped my staff, hang on. (all laugh) As this is happening, the rain subsided a bit, and there’s a small clearing in the clouds, and a little beam of light just crests down onto, loosely, the area of the city where the Chantry resides. Some ritual is happening. We gotta go. But isn’t Pelor normally like a– So, we took the stairs, winding, we’re going downstairs to get out of here?
Pelor was one of the ones responsible for chaining. That’s where the chain is. Oh, that’s where the chain is. And him and Melora teamed up together. Exactly where the chains is, we’re gonna try to break it. Right, too many gods teaming up. Let’s go!
Too many gods! ♪ Too many gods ♪ As you guys grab your arms and rush your way down through the Archive, into the streets of the Tangles, heading eastward, deeper into the city of Rexxentrum, we’re gonna end the episode there. Pick up there next week. Wow! We’re hunting!
We’re hunting wabbits! Wow! What an episode. Good rolls, guys.
Good rolls! Double ones, fucking double ones! Most perceptive person, double ones. Hey, that’s special. It is. You never forget your double ones. (Matthew laughs) What’s that? That’s snake eyes. Wow. We’ll pick up there next week, I’m excited! Zoinks! ♪ Shit’s getting real ♪ It is, everything’s coming together! There’s a form of D&D where you roll double ones, and you just have a minor stroke at that, just right there. You just zero out your hit points, like, oh no, not now! My cholesterol!
Tune in next week to see Caleb Widogast disassociate for four hours! (all laugh) Oh, good game, guys. Wow, that was great, Matt. Thank you guys for coming along for a crazy adventure. Wow, so much happened. We’ll see you next week. Until then, remember, we love you very much, and it’s a Thursday. Pickle Rick!
Good night. (dramatic music)